A Soldier I Will Be | Destiel and Sabrifer |

Not the Help Lucifer Expected, but It Might Just Be Better

So, I'm not aware if I told you this or not, but Wattpad got blocked on my school's servers, so now, I have to use Google Drive for writing and waiting until I get home to post chapters. It really sucks, because on my school laptop, Google Drive drops the internet a lot and I'll spend 50% of my time waiting on it to allow me back on, but oh well, at least I something. Anyways, that's why my updates have been a bit slow. I apologize for the delays.

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It had been a week since his incident, and nothing had gotten any better. He was filled with guilt and sorrow, and he greatly regretted his inability to have ended it beforehand. It felt like a wave, crashing continuously over his head and not giving the chance to breath. Lucifer knew it wouldn't be long before he tried to grab that gun again.

The therapy did not help, not at all. He didn't blame the therapist exactly, he blamed himself for not being able to tell her everything that was wrong, to let go of his secrets and finally let loose what was mentally destroying him. Without that release, he was just a ticking time bomb.

The scariest thing for him that week was being around the children. He would beg Sam or Gabriel - usually Gabriel because Sam was at Dean's so much - to keep them away, so they wouldn't have to see him so broken. Gabriel complied everytime, a sad look in his eyes as he watched his older brother slowly lose his mind.

It was at the end of this week when Lucifer was cooking, staring at the knife in his hands like an escape when Gabriel walked in. The blond-haired Novak took a shuddering breath, trying to hide the fact he had been thinking about the blade as a means of death and returned to cutting, trying to act as normal as he possible could. It was when Gabriel spoke those two words that he felt his heart freeze.

"I know"

In that instant, Lucifer saw the life he had flashing before his eyes. He was going to be thrown out, never to talk or see the family he had grown with Sam and Gabriel and left all alone. He was going have to remember the look on both of their faces, as they contorted to one of distrust and betrayal. Lucifer's grip on the knife tightened, and his breathing got erratic as he slowly turned to face his brother, preparing himself for the worse.

Tears began to fall when he saw nothing but concern on Gabriel's face, a sob wracking from his chest as he tried to cover his mouth. His shoulders shook as Gabriel slowly moved over to his older brother, taking the knife from his hands and setting it on the counter before wrapping his arms tightly around him in a hug.

"It's okay, Luci. It's okay." Gabriel whispered, threading his fingers through his brother's hair in a calming motion, letting Lucifer cry into his shoulder. The green-eyed Novak let out sob after sob, allowing himself to finally let go after so long. Suddenly, the weight was beginning to lift from his shoulders, and he began seeing the light that he never realized was there.

When Lucifer finally stopped crying, he pulled away from his brother just enough that he could talk. "How did you find out?" Lucifer asked, wiping at the stray tears that crept from the corners of his eyes. Gabriel smiled softly, giving a slight shrug.

"I called your work to tell them what was going on when they told me you were fired almost a month ago. I was so confused because I had no idea how you would be making money if you didn't have a job, so I followed." Gabriel admitted, a sad look crossing his face. Lucifer felt his face pale, knowing that his brother had saw everything.