A Soldier I Will Be | Destiel and Sabrifer |

A Broken Heart is a Broken Soul

So, I have all the chapters to this story written so I will be updating this one a lot XD 

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Castiel bust in through the hospital doors, his heart set in a dead panic as he looked around wildly for his husband. Not finding him at first glance, he grabbed the nearest nurse, ignoring the look of fear that grew on her face by his wild appearance.

"Dean Winchester, where is he?" He asked, his voice quivering with shock and fear. He couldn't lose Dean, not after everything he gave up for the man, not after all they had lost. The nurse shuffled out of his grip awkwardly before looking down at her tablet, typing somethings in and finding the file, remaining calm despite the shaking that the Novak was doing.

"I'm sorry, sir. He's in surgery at the moment. You'll have to wait in the waiting room for him to get out." The nurse said apologetically, quickly moving away to avoid being grabbed again. Castiel took in a shaky breath, running his hand through his hair frustratedly as he looked around the room, hoping to God that Dean would be alright.

"Castiel." He heard Sam say and turned his head, looking at the Winchester. The entire family was here actually, having jumped in the cars and headed over as soon as they got the call. However, Sam had made Castiel ride with him while Lucifer took the kids for the reason that the man would not give the Novak.

"What, Sam? What do you want?" Castiel snapped, his heart tearing and his breaths becoming ragged. He was losing it, and nothing could stop him from falling this time. Sam didn't even flinch from the Novak's harsh tone, but merely gave him a look of concern, placing his hand on his shoulder.

"You'll scare the kids acting like this. Please, just try and calm down, okay?" Sam said, but Castiel jerked away, clawing at his scalp as he put several steps between himself and the Winchester.

"Calm down? I can't calm down. If I do..." Castiel trailed off, his head becoming raw with the amount of scratching he did as he looked around again. "I can't do it, Sam. I can't....I can't lose him....Please, don't make me calm down when he could be dying in there."

He barely finished the last word before tears began to spill from his eyes, his frustrated growls from earlier becoming sad whimpers. He was letting the anger and the fear leave him, being replaced by a sadness that made Mike's death seem like a splinter. No, he whole world was not only turned upside, but thrown into a swirling black vortex, where nothing could ever come back the same.

Sam sighed and walked over the space Castiel had made, pulling the Novak into a hug. Castiel let out a sob, holding onto his husband's brother tightly as he cried, begging incoherently for Dean to come back.

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When the doctor approached the group of eight, Castiel was the first one on his feet, his palms running over his jeans consistantly. He had listened to what happened from Gabriel, but from a blind person's perspective, he couldn't really get that clear of an idea.

"How is he?" Castiel asked, once again clawing at the back of his head. It was starting to burn, the soft skin being rubbed raw, but he couldn't stop, not until he knew Dean was okay.

"It's...not good, I'm afraid. He took a bullet to his skull." The doctor said, his voice sullen and each word only made Castiel sink farther and farther down. "We managed to remove the bullet, but I highly doubt that he will even wake up. I'm so very sorry."

Castiel had to freeze, to let the words formulate and explain what the doctor had just said. Over and over, they played in his head, growing and growing until Castiel jerked, tears falling from his face.

He turned to Gabriel, his face twisting into one of rage as he grabbed the blind man by the shirt, jerking him out of his seat. "It's all your fault!" Castiel shouted, feeling someone grab him from either side. He couldn't tell who it was, but he struggled against them, twisting and being forced to let go of Gabriel as he attemtped escape.

"Castiel!" He heard the vague sound of Mike shouting but he ignored it as he kicked and bit at whoever got near, managing to wrench his arms free and fly full force at the attacker on his right. He landed a square punch on Lucifer's face before he was pulled back by Sam, his struggles becoming vain under the taller man's strength.

"Hold him still. We need to get a sedative in him before he hurts someone." He heard the doctor shout as his vision began glowing red. At those words, his body convulsed and he began struggling even harder than before, twisting and jerking. At one point, he thought he bit Sam as he taste the iron tang of blood, but it was a vague thought as he felt a prick in his arm, followed by the sting of a liquid being entered in.

He managed to put up his struggle for a few more minutes before he felt his body relaxing against his will, and finally, he slumped against Sam, his vision going black.

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When Castiel woke, he found himself laying in a bed, his arms and legs strapped down with pale brown bands. He jerked at them, feeling a rise of panic in his chest, only to stop as he turned his head, seeing Mike and Sam sitting there.

"Where am I?" Castiel asked, trying to get out of the bonds once again. Sam sighed, shaking his head at Castiel's futile attempt before he leaned back in his seat.

"We had to restrain you. You tried to kill Gabriel." Sam said, his eyebrows furrowing together. Castiel looked from him, to Mike, who was skillfully avoiding his gaze.

"I did? All I remember was..." Castiel trailed off, the memory of what to the doctor had said about Dean. He tried to remember after that, but it became hazy and red, as if someone had threw a red veil over his eyes. "I can't...remember. What happened to Dean? How long was I out?"

"Only a few hours." Mike cut in, a desperate tone in his voice. "Dean still hasn't woken up and the others had to leave. You should have seen how much Carrie was crying. You really scared her. I don't know why you're acting like this."

"You wouldn't understand, Mike." Castiel responded, his voice becoming not one of confusion, but one of bitterness. None of them would understand, and he hoped none of them ever would. "You don't know what it's like. I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to end it all. Dean was the only reason I didn't. He pulled me out, but now I'm losing him. I'm falling all over again, and there's no one to catch me."

Castiel paused, taking a shuddering breath and blinking back the tears that began to form. "Without Dean, without Dean...I'll...." Castiel stopped, a small gasp leaving him as he realized what he was about to say. Did he really mean it?

"What will you do, Castiel?" Sam asked, and Castiel flinched, looking at them with silence for a few minutes. He tried to find anything that could change his mind, anything that he could hold onto to, but he realized, when Dean was gone, the whole world looked gray and dull. Without Dean, he was nothing.

"Without Dean, Mike will be without both his fathers." Castiel said before he turned his head away, closing his eyes tight and letting himself cry.