This Is Going To Suck. (Sam fan fiction)

Overreacting

At some point during my anxiety attack I had fallen asleep. My legs were curled up close to my chest and the pillow I was clutching had a wet spot from my tears.

I sat up and felt my head throbbing with pain.

As I wiped away the dried tears on my face I let out a weak laugh.

I'm such an idiot.

I laughed a bit more to cope with the impending feeling of dread that still loomed in my mind. How could I be dumb enough to let some words on a screen get to me?

As I took a few shaky breaths I quickly realized I was late for the lake. 'Shit-' as I moved to grab my phone and text everyone an apology, I hesitated. The thought of seeing even a glimpse of those texts again was too much to bear, so I decided to tuck my phone into my nightstand drawer and leave it there until I had the courage to block the unknown number.

I slowly got up and wobbled slightly as I walked into the bathroom. My eyes averted looking into the mirror as I splashed some water onto my face.

Once I was done I dried my face and looked through my closet for a different bathing suit to wear. Eventually I found an old pair of Mae's brothers swim trunks that I had borrowed a few years ago. The last time I had worn them was when Mae had convinced me to go to a pool party for the first time since recovering from my ED.

I quickly changed into the shorts and found a random loose and baggy t-shirt to put on over my bikini top.

A final shaky breath came from my lips as I looked down at my new attire.

I made my way to the front door and after slipping on some shoes I opened it to leave.

To my surprise Sam stood right in front of me, fist raised up to knock.

"Oh h-hey." My voice cracked slightly as I stuttered. Immediately he knew something was wrong and I mumbled a few curses to myself. 'Wearing the shorts was a stupid idea, it's gonna cause more of a scene and then everyone will pity me and-'

"Were you crying?" His voice and eyes were full of overwhelming concern as he moved his hand to cup my cheek. I flinched at his touch and he immediately pulled his hand away.

Guilt washed over me, I didn't even mean to flinch-

"What's wrong?" He asked and I forced down the overwhelming feelings of self hate and dread.

"Nothing, sorry. I just had a really bad dream during my nap."

"Would you like to talk about it? If you're not up for going to the lake that's fine we can cancel and I can make you dinner tonight while we watch your favorite movies and-"

"No." I stated harshly without even realizing it. Even more guilt poured over me as I had lashed out at him. His smile dropped for a moment, but he quickly forced it back on.

"Oh well I can walk you to the lake then. I came to check on you since it's a bit past two." He explained as he offered his hand for me to hold.

For some reason my mind made me hesitate before taking his hand. He seemed to notice and his smile faded again for a moment.

I'm being unfair. I can't act like this. Not to him. Not without telling him why.

We walked in awkward silence for a while. It was the first time I felt uncomfortable being around him. It was my own fault. I was letting shitty thoughts infect my mind like a poison.

"I'm sorry." I stated as we made it to the forest.

"Don't be. You did nothing wrong."

"I had a really realistic dream where I was back in highschool and re-lived all the shitty things from back then." I came up with a lie that could explain my thoughts without telling him all the details. I didn't want to worry anyone about this unknown number. They would think I'm stupid for letting it get to me.