Her Full-Time Apricity

Chapter 9: Safe Space

Chapter 9: Safe Space

Chapter theme: this is me trying by Taylor Swift

My fingers are already numb;

Some of them even have blood traces on them.

“Oh ano?! Hindi ka makatingin sa’min ngayon! I already warned you ages ago, Vanessa!” Dad’s thunderous voice engulfed the whole kitchen, making one of our house-helpers take a step back, making me pick on my fingers even more.

After taking a deep breath, after having a sniffle for the nth time, I took every fiber of bravery left in my worn-out system.

When I held my head higher, I saw how red Dad’s face is, how Mommy looks so upset. I see how our foods for breakfast remained untouched. Of course Dad will be furious, and of course, there will be no fucking way that he’ll let this pass only for a damn breakfast.

Last night, when I opened my student portal...I received 2.75 in one of our subjects.

I didn’t fail in that subject, but it was the lowest grade I have received in my entire life.

All my grades passed, but to my parents’ eyes?

This is the peak disappointment and failure I could ever commit. Hindi na ako magugulat pa kung magiging dahilan ‘to para ipagtulakan na nila akong lumipat sa gusto nilang kurso.

My lower lip’s starting to feel numb as I start tasting rust from it...I can feel a hint of pain from my jaw as I have been clenching it the moment I occupied a seat here in our dining table.

So much for having overbearing parents...

Things could have been a lot easier if I wasn’t just born as their daughter.

I’m sure, things would be a lot better if they had their son instead of me.

“Shift courses.” Mommy said with a heavy tone.

Agad naman akong napalingon sa kanya at napatayo mula sa aking upuan. I can feel my limbs trembling as their eyes darted at me.

“I..I won’t.”

Mariin akong napakagat sa aking labi nang bahagya akong pumiyok dahil sa halos kawalan ko ng hangin. I already did this before, I already defied them once.

Wala nang mawawala pa kung susubukan kong muli.

“Enough with this stubbornness, Vanessa.”

Dad added, already drinking from his glass of water.

“If choosing and fighting for what makes me feel alive and happy means being stubborn, then I’ll be that person. Please, my apologies but I still have classes to attend.”

Hearing Dad’s frustrated groan and Mommy’s gasp of disappointed almost stopped me from taking another step towards the couch where my bag already is. “You’re grounded! Give me your car keys! From now on...from now on our driver will be dropping and fetching you from school. Tama na sa pagbubulakbol, you’re caged in this household if you’ll insist on being the let down in this family!”

That was it.

Hindi ang napakalakas ngunit walang emosyon na sigaw ni Daddy ang naging dahilan para hindi ko na mapigilan pa ang mga luha ko.

Wala na, they’re already starting to take my freedom bit by bit, wala na.

No words left my tongue.

I just stood there, almost loosing grip of my bag, tears flowing out of my eyes.

Every bit of my life, they had it their fucking way.