Scars

Part 65

Nichole's POV:

I woke up feeling groggy from a complete lack of sleep.  In fact, I wasn't even sure if I had slept at all.  Because all night long, I had tossed and turned.  And why?  Because today was the day I was dreading.  

Today was Cal's trial.  He was to be arraigned by the state of New York under the charges of sexual assault, attempted rape and sexual battery.  But beyond that, that was about all I knew.   I knew no other details.  So, in short, I had no idea what to expect.  No way of knowing what was going to happen.  And all of it was causing me to have extreme anxiety.  But more than anything, I felt an overwhelming sense of dread.  Because as much as I wanted to be there and knew I had to be, it still left me feeling completely anxious.  So much so, that it had literally kept me up all night.  And I honestly felt like I could throw up. 

I crawled out of bed, careful not to disturb my sleeping bride.  She was still deep asleep and looked so peaceful.  So the last thing I wanted was to wake her. 

I made my way to the bathroom.  I stripped off my clothes and indulged in a much needed, steamy hot shower.  I closed my eyes as the hot water cascaded over me.  And honestly, it made me feel better.  

But the effects were only temporary.  Because as soon as I stepped out of the shower, the thoughts that had haunted me throughout the night quickly returned.

And the truth was I was nervous.  I was nervous about being in a courtroom full of people, all there for one purpose.  And what that was, was to quite simply face a monster.   Because that's how I viewed Cal. Plain and simple.  Because only a monster would have done the things that he had done, which was to basically prey on young, vulnerable women.  To shred them of their dignity and to leave them broken and a mere shadow of their former self.  He had shattered lives, took everything worth taking,  and left behind a path of complete destruction and despair.

And why did that matter?  Because not only had he violated so many women, he had done exactly that to the most important person in my life- my wife.  The love of my life.  And the mother of my unborn child.  And that was not only unacceptable, but it was completely unforgivable.

But with that being said, I was also nervous for another reason.  I had to admit I was nervous about seeing Cal.  Even just the mere thought of physically being in the same room as him was giving me severe anxiety.  In fact, I had only ever seen him once.  It was years ago when Lexi and I had gone to visit her mother in the hospital.   We had inadvertently ran into him at a local restaurant.  And in no short terms, it had been a completely terrible experience.  

But after that day, I didn't think that I would ever see him again.   Nor did I ever want to.   But here I was. Getting ready to face him again.  But this time it was under different circumstances.  It was in a court of law.  A more controlled situation where order and law would be enforced.  But even though the circumstances were very different, my feelings towards him were still the same.   So it still made me extremely nervous.  

But regardless, to me this was important.  And I knew I had to be there.  To witness everything in real time.  To see what would come from all of this.  And even though I knew Alexis wouldn't be there, for reasons that were understandable, but for me personally, I wanted to be there.  And not only did I want to be there, I felt like I needed to.   Because more than anything, I needed to help bring closure to an unclosed chapter in our lives.  And even though I knew nothing could ever fully mend the past,  I had hopes that this would at least provide some type of closure.  And that justice would be served.

I made my way back to the bedroom and started to get dressed.  And as I did, Alexis stirred awake.  I stopped what I was doing and went over and sat next to her on the bed, as her eyes slowly opened, revealing those baby blues that I had fallen in love with so long ago.