Many times I feel like I really need someone to give me some constructive criticism so that I can find out what to improve to make my book better.
This is one of those books where you can enter your own book, and I'll do a review of it.
Just fill...
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Cover rating: I rate your cover a 9.5/10 I really like it. Just the fact you have Rapunzel looking sad as she looking at Jack and Elsa. And you also have a picture of Jack and Rapunzel together. It looks like as she staring at Jack and Elsa she remebering what they had. I love the quote that says "Going away means forgetting."
This quote really goes with the plot considering Jack went away and forgot what he had with Rapunzel.
I love the icy background theme you have going to. My last favorite part about this cover was it has the title and your username on it. I also love the font choice picked for the writing.
Description: When Jack dies, Rapunzel, Merida, and Hiccup don't know what to do. But one day, they find him again. But know Jack has another friend with him.
Description Rating: I rate this description a 4.5/10. It's okay but it could be way better. You only have about 3 sentences in this description when you could have 1 small paragraph.
In this small paragraph you can write about Jack and Rapunzel's relationship then add on what happened to Jack and how he lost his memory.
Lastly, you could talk about how the friends moved on then Jack comes back into their lives with this new mysterious girl which is his girlfriend.
Descriptions are supposed to be light summaries about the book so you can draw the reader in. When you write a description think about your favorite book and their description. THis will give you a better picture about what your so kind of look like.
So just add on and include more details to the 3 sentences you already have and your description will be bumped up to a 7.9/10.
I actually have never shipped Jack and Elsa or Jack and Rapunzel because Flinn but if Flinn never exists I do like the idea of Jack and Rapunzel.
Rating of Book: I rate this book a 8.5/10, which is REALLY good. I rate this book a 8.5/10 for many reasons.
Firstly, when you're trying to add suspense never ever, ever, use .... it just look like a 9 year old is trying to be dramatic. If you want to add suspense try finding words that are action packed and dramatic instead of ... it just looks better, and more well written.
Secondly, I love how you wrote Jack and Rapunzel relationship, it was written really well and they are so cute together in the way you've written it I've actually started shipping them a little bit.
Thirdly, to make your story look better written try indenting you paragraphs. For example your story looks like this: oihewgruebgreiurebreubbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbberhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im indentinger uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Doesn't that look very close together and messy. While if you're on a computer and you hit enter or if you're on a phone I don't know how to do it but try t find out how because doesn't this way look better.
im indentinger uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Doesn't the nice big space look better? Just a helpful tip to make everyone's story look neater.
In the chapter when they're in the hospital the police are written really out of character and it was just awkward reading it because it was not like them at all.
Try going back to the chapter where Jack is explaining what happened to him and explain how he got to the hospital. You have a huge plot hole in that chapter as he dieing in the frozen water then suddenly he wakes up in a hospital? Try to explain what happened better.
But overall I really like your story and it was written so good I actually skipped by some mistakes because the story was written so good in my mind I was able to read on right after without stopping and thinking on the mistakes.
Lastly, . . . are okay to use when someone in surprise. For example, in your story this happens. "Hiccup . . . and Jack?" It is okay to use those . . . when someone is thinking or surprise, just try to avoid using them to add suspense.
I really enjoyed this story and I recommend it so if you ship Rapunzel and Jack, Hiccup and Merida and a little bit of Elsa in there I recommend you go and take a look at this story.
School is hell for me right now. I seem to have 3 test every week, homework every day, and to top it all of mean teachers. Now if I wasn't playing a sport I would be able to do this like last year but this year i'm on the school's field hockey team where we practice every day after school + games.
When I get home I have to let dogs out, eat, take a shower, let dogs out again, do homework, and brush hair and teeth.
Then when im done all this i'm so exhausted I have to go right to sleep with no time for anything else.
I just can't wait for november when field hockey season ends and i'll have a little bit more time on my hands. Considering right now I only have weekends off. Don't get me wrong I love Field hockey.
I updated Muted never Matters too since i'm rewriting it no one gets the update that i updated it.
Bye guys, sorry for this long rant I just needed to get it off my chest.
