Coloring Outside the Lines

Chapter Thirty-Two

I'm at the hospital again, twice in the same week.

I don't remember how I got here.

But now I'm outside room 320 and they won't let me inside yet.

What's going through my mind right now?

Absolutely
n o t h i n g.

There hasn't been a muscle moved in my body in over an hour. I've been looking at the plain wall for so long that it's turning colors in my vision. My hands have long since gone numb. My eyes are drooping with the weight of everything that has happened. I took everything for granted.

My life took a shift that was unexpected. And I wasn't ready.

Nobody would be.

Nothing will be the same.

Hope? These people tell me to have hope? That they understand, that it'll be okay, that he'll be okay?

Yeah, because they know everything. Everyone's freaking geniuses.

I need time. I need them to give me time and leave me alone. I need them to stop trying to get it, to get what's going on. I hate the pity, I hate the hugs and the plates of cookies and the 'oh I'm so sorry's.

The only one who has actually given me the comfort I need is Jacob.

He is just as distressed as I am. As soon as he found out about Ray, he came straight to the hospital where I was waiting. He just held me and rocked me and didn't say a word. That was all I needed.

Jacob cancelled his flight back to California for the end of break. He's staying at my side.

The only reason he isn't with me now is because I sent him back home. I told him I needed to be alone. Unlike the numerous others, he actually gave me my space and respected my needs.

Ray's parents have come and gone. They have apologized multiple times for not giving me a forewarning. I put on a fake hopeful face and tell them it's alright, that we all have nothing to worry about. He is a strong one, he can overcome this small trial. The same cliché speech you give to any parent with a hospitalized child.

We all know none of it's true.

*****************************

"Jordan Green?"

My head flicks to the side so fast it cracks my neck. "Yes?" My voice comes out as a croak.

"You're free to see him now," a nurse stands before me, clasping her hands in front of her merrily. How can a woman be so pleasant when she's in a building full of death?

I can't find any energy to do anything but nod. My feet plant themselves into the ground and I slowly make my way to the door.

As I turn the knob, my stomach lurches. I'm not ready for this.

He's there on the bed, breathing slowly. His eyes are closed softly and his arms lay at his sides. His chest and stomach are covered in wraps. Proof of the broken ribs I didn't want to believe.

My feet carry me towards the bed. My breathing falters as I sit on the edge. I take his cold hand in mine. The usual squeeze back isn't there. Only dead weight.

"We have some news, Miss Green," the doctor comes into the room.

My eyes are closed and I'm bracing myself for the worst. "News?"

"Yes," he says, taking a seat in the chair across from me. "Ray isn't going to be coming home for a while."

I gasp. "What... Why?"