Coloring Outside the Lines

Chapter Thirty-Eight

The following weeks are no easier. I'm supposed to have my whole life planned out since high school has ended, but I have no clue. I feel empty, dazed, confused, angry, sad, and terrified all at once.

Ray isn't here anymore.

I've only just gotten over the shock.

He isn't here.

He won't ever be again.

And that's terrifying.

Now that he's gone, I'm realizing just how much I really needed him. I relied on him so much. He made my year the most memorable one. He turned it around for me.

Why can't good things last?

Everything I look at reminds me of him, and brings memories to mind. It feels like I can never let him go. I'll never get over this feeling of grief. No matter how many people tell me that it'll be okay, what do they know?

My days are usually spent in my room, sleeping or reading. If I do happen to come out of my bed, it's because Jacob or Jack dragged me out.

Jack comes over every other day to hang out with me. I'm not sure why he stays around, since I'm such a mess. I'll never be able to answer the question, but I'm grateful.

*****

"Jordan, we are not spending another day doing nothing," Jack says, leaning against my door.

"Why not?" I grunt.

"You're so difficult," Jack facepalms.

"You're annoying."

"Get up."

"Get out."

"No."

"Yes."

"Let's have fun."

"I've never learned how."

"I can teach you."

"Lame."

"I want to do something memorable."

"Kick a baby. Then you'll be in jail and have plenty of time to remember that memorable moment."

"Ha, ha. I'm serious."

"We don't have to go to Uruguay and parasail to have a memorable day. Some of my dreams when I sleep are pretty memorable," I comment.

"Gosh, Jordan. You're so lazy, it's amusing."

"Never thought a girl could be lazy, huh?" I quirk an eyebrow.

"Nah, I just pinpointed you as the get-up-at-the-crack-of-dawn-ready-to-work type of girl..." Jack says.

"That's rude."

"Some people would take it as a compliment."

"Not me."

"What can we dooo?" Jack groans.

"There's always a coloring book," I suggest dully.

"No, that's lame," Jack scrunches his nose.

"I, for one, happen to enjoy coloring," I protest half heartedly.

"Yeah? Well, we need to find something you love even more," Jack says. "I want to have fun! I've been so bored this summer."

"I'm a fairly boring person."

"How about Mario Kart? Jacob told me you're good at that game," Jack shrugs.

I immediately sit up straight in my bed, eyes wide. "Mario Kart?"