The Pain is all worth it.

Day #50

A very happy day.

Today's the 30th of December.

A day where my whole family went out together, by pair, by group, by age but in the end, we joined each other. And so the fun begins.

I hate it when my mother decides what I do with my money. And I hate that I hate it. You get what I mean? I talked about all the time of sharing and being grateful but last night, my emotions got me.

The fear of losing money got me.
The fear of not having enough left got me.
The fear of tomorrow got me.

Everybody looks at me like a walking bank. Someone that never have nothing. Someone who always will have something. I guess that's something I should be okay with but I don't know why I am not. I hate it to the core. I hate to the innermost of my being. (haha! Where did I get that?!)

Law of attraction.

If you want it, live for it.
If you desire it, feel it.
If you need it, move it.

You become what you think. You become your thoughts. Your thoughts on your own defines who you are. And whether it makes you regret, hated, loved and cared for you are right. You are your thoughts. You are awareness. You are consciousness.

And this must be one of the side effects.

Family thinking you won the lottery.

I hate prideful and boastful people. I hate the fact that they act like they have more when they have less. But I can't control them. My emotions gets out of hand because of them. This is my challenge I guess. I will resolve this. 💪

Lord, I ask for your strength. Give me the power over my emotions. Jesus, our Saviour, I beg of you to deliver my prayers to the Father.

Amen.