(Y/N) POV:
The rest of the week began to whizz by in a similar manner and slowly my walls were crumbling down, quicker with each passing day. I couldn't help the natural ease I felt around them, nor could I stop falling deeper with how I saw them as they truly were; they were just soulmates in love, they weren't the untouchable image uni had made them out to be, they were so much more. They moved and existed in each other's orbit, always gravitating close to one another, always there for one another.
They didn't push me further than I was comfortable and slowly I felt myself grow closer, and I didn't know whether or not they knew, whether they had realised that the bonds were getting stronger, just as it had finalised for Tae that night, and Yoongi when he stared into me, as though he could see my demons and still want me, the bonds were firming, they were solidifying with every moment they were with me.
Every touch felt like my body was being set on fire, sending all my sensations burning, but it was the fire of the hearth, the warmth of something familiar, of home.
But as each day passed, it felt like I was drowning. I was wading through water that kept flooding my lungs, and it didn't matter where I tried treading, there was no sure path under my feet. The day was coming as was the end of the week and even though I tried to hide it, it was going to hurt being separated from my soulmates. It felt like I was going to back to being on the outside, a small glimpse of the world I wanted but perhaps never could have.
But for the first time in a long time, I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to belong. But when they found out who I was, who I truly was, would they still want me?
I was heading off to sleep, Jimin being the person who was sleeping over this night, and we quickly fell asleep, it didn't help the fact that Jimin kept using his telekinesis to wrap me up tightly in blankets, propping up the pillows behind my head and then using it to slightly pull me closer. I just smiled at his antics and when he deemed, I was close enough, I surprised by edging closer a few more inches but it was worth seeing the angelic smile on his face.
I quickly fell asleep, eyes drooping shut mid-observation of how Jimin's cheek was squished on one end, hair falling over his eyes slightly as his thick lips stretched into a gentle smile.
But this night was one of the worst. I bolted upright, the safe cocoon Jimin had wrapped me in now constraining me like a straitjacket, restricting me, making me immobile. My stomach started churning with nausea and rising panic, the immobility dragging on the lingering remnants of my nightmare into my consciousness. I couldn't move, couldn't get free and then suddenly the blankets were unravelling themselves around me, pushed down to the edge of the bed. Even though I registered at the back of my mind that it was Jimin, he'd woken up, I hurried to my feet and stumbled to the bathroom, throwing open my bedroom door, the slam just white noise as I threw open the bathroom door and hunched over the toilet, stomach emptying itself with violent spasms that brought tears to my eyes. Whatever little strength or adrenaline had propelled me here vanished and my legs gave out, colliding harshly with the tiled floor before my stomach turned again, I was throwing up again. At the back of my mind I registered the sensation of my hair gently being pulled away from my face, a hand settling to rest on my back rubbing soothingly as my stomach continued to somersault. When my stomach had emptied itself, I slumped backwards, boneless as I sagged against a firm chest.
My head was spinning, and my heart was erratically beating, the nightmare managing to linger and ensnare my even when I was awake, the feeling of spiralling out of control and a malicious smile that flashed behind my eyes.
Slowly me ears began to register that someone was speaking, that the light suddenly flashed open, a brightness that had me wincing and recoiling, trying to shield my eyes. I heard a set of footsteps before someone crouched in front of me, their frame blocking out the glare of the light as they hovered over me.
I looked up, brown eyes swimming into my vision and lips twisted into a concerned frown so different from the usual dimples that graced their face. I became more aware of how disgusting I felt, mouth tasting bitter and vile, skin clammy and clothes tousled.
Namjoon stood up, offering his hands to me which I gratefully clutched onto as I rose onto shaky legs, the body behind me supporting me from behind as they rose with me. I staggered to the sink, desperate to get the rancid taste out my mouth. The person who'd been behind me stayed there, presence solid as they stood behind me, my legs buckled but before anything could happen, hands reached out to clutch my waist steadying me and I clutched onto the sink for support.
The hands now wrapped around my waist, arms encircling me, a hot band of flesh supporting me, holding me as I rinsed my mouth with water, then mouthwash and then brushed my teeth. The sound of the toilet flushing, and I looked up through red-rimmed tired eyes to see Jimin staring at me in the mirror, head gently resting on my shoulder meeting my eyes in a silent show of support. When I'd finished, I was expecting the arms to withdraw but they remained as Jimin helped me back out the bathroom, Namjoon's soft footsteps following but the closer we got to my bedroom, the greater the fear that began to mount. I didn't want to go back there yet, the room felt silent and empty, the void only lessened by one of my soulmate's, but it didn't feel comforting.
Somehow sensing my unwillingness, Namjoon just steered us the other way, taking us to a large room where with one quick glance, I affirmed that the rest were there, in various states of disarray but all sitting up, awake as they sat on the large bed that fit them all. As we walked closer, I willed my panic and hysteria to abate, to not give any broadcasting signals of my inner distress but the way their bodies straightened, eyes became more alert, I knew I had failed.
Hands came out to draw us in, bringing us to sit in the centre of the large bed as the others drew closer, encircling us. I felt both comforted and on-edge, I knew there was no way out of this.
There was a brief moment of silence before Namjoon's large hand came to settle on my shoulder, Jimin's arms squeezing my waist gently- a silent reminder that they were there, they all were.
"What's wrong (Y/N)-ah?" Hoseok asked, voice seeped with concern.
"You can tell us (Y/N)-ah, we're here for you." Jungkook added, voice soft but strong as it carried over.
The words caught in my throat, ready to spill but choking me as I tried to get them out, tried to tell them. I heard a gasping choked sound before I realised it had come from me.
A hand settled on my knee, warmth seeping through my skin.
"Let us help you." Yoongi said. And that was all it took for the dam to burst.
Tears welled up and spilled over, coursing down my cheeks in quick succession blurring my vision as I blindly reached out with my hands for someone, anyone to hold me and stop me from falling. A broken sound of despair left my throat, a lament for the life I had lived, as my body began to tremble. Bodies jostled closer as hands reached out to intertwine with my own, my blind fumbling halting, my trembles began to abate slightly as hands reached out to touch my skin, the overwhelming sensation of all my soulmates touching me soothing my frazzled nerves a bit.
The words I wanted to get out began to suffocate me, throat choking and breathing became more difficult, head pounding with the effort of trying to remember how to breathe, how to speak.
Then a soft voice urging me to 'breathe, relax, calm down' filling my ears and behind it all a soft low hum letting a blanket of calm wash over me, energy pulsing out in thick waves as my body started to relax, to comply to the urges to let it all out. I felt disconnected from it all, the negative emotions washing away from me before a sense of relaxation replaced it.
