Cursed Fate

Chapter 54- don't let me lose myself

YOONGI POV:

From the moment when (Y/N) goes eerily blank at the station to the entire drive home, she doesn't move. It's like she's trapped so deeply into herself, so far into her memories that she can't escape. But her eyes are wide and begging for some sort of help, someone to reach in and draw her out of this darkness, this terror she can't seem to rid herself from. And the look she has is haunted, plagued and it makes my soul tear apart with the sheer depth of agony they hold, her eyes are warm and soft but right now they're an endless void, an abyss- she's fallen in and needs a lifeline.

I sit next to her, too tightly wound up to focus on driving, Tae is behind the wheels but he's not faring much better, his skin has gone ashy, colourless and I can hear the way his throat violently bobs and the heaving rattling gasps of breaths he takes. Joon is sitting there trying to remain calm but I can see from the tendons that stick out and the thudding of his heart echoing in my ears like a drum that it's all a façade- a mask so none of us freak out. But it's too late for that.

I remember that tactile comfort grounds (Y/N). Helps her focus. Which is why our hands are so tightly intertwined together, they're almost melded. Her fingers squeeze my palm desperately, her grip is strong and unrelenting. Even though she's not moving, the iron grip she has gives me a semblance of hope that she's reaching out just as much we're leaning in, trying to help her.

Her right side is plastered to me, almost to the extent that she's on my lap, I feverishly hope and pray that she hasn't sunken so far into herself, lost herself to misery that we can't help her. the numbing void that is emanating from her end of the bond makes my own mind, soul and body feel crushed and useless, it's a chill that spreads through me like ice.
I pray and pray, to every god, every deity, anyone for her to be alright. She has to be. I can't see her falling into despair and grief. I can't see her become so inverted in herself that she loses connection with reality.
Please. Please. It's the only mantra that is repeating in my head over and over again.
----
I gently guide her out of the car, through the door trying and failing to keep my distress and panic at bay. Even though I'm one of the eldest, there is nothing that could've ever prepared me for this. It makes me want to curl up and cry, but someone needs to be strong.

The others bolt upright, no doubt that our emotions have bled into every crevice of the house and filled each particle of air. I worry for Jin hyung who will be overwhelmed, for Hobi who's energy might deplete rapidly, for Kookie who's ability will burn this memory into his mind like a branding iron. I worry for Joon who can see (Y/N)'s aura, see ours and is bearing the brunt of it, for Jiminie who would want to use his abilities but can't materialise anything that can bring (Y/N) out of this. I worry for Tae who has yet to say or do anything since he let out a guttural, wounded sound, sinking to his knees next to (Y/N) and hovering over her protectively. I can feel the bond straining with this new hurt and I hope it is strong enough to get us through this. That I can help them through this.

When Hobi rushes forward to kneel in front of her sitting on the couch, his eyes are sharp and focused. He quickly draws off her shoes, draws off her socks, cupping her feet in his hands, lips turned downwards even whilst he rubs at her feet tenderly, gently.
I realise with a start that he's using heat energy to keep her warm, to keep her from slipping further into shock. Jiminie has already materialised a soft, thick blanket and is wrapping it around her loosely- so she doesn't feel restricted.
Jin hyung and Kookie have sat themselves on either side of her, pressing closely into her sides and speaking to her in low murmurs, reassuring her that it's okay, everything will be fine, she's home, she's surrounded by people who love and care for her. She's safe. I can still hear the thudding of everyone's heartbeats, too quick and irregular, even whilst on the surface they're pushing their own worry aside to address the matter at hand immediately. To tend to our soulmate immediately. It's an automatic response.