Sinful Discovery

020

° true love does not accept your demon. they love you even more for them. °

Chapter 20

"Nessa, are you kidding me?" I bark out, standing up to my feet and looking at her in complete bewilderment.

"Huh?" She asks, sitting up straight confused at my sudden change in mood. "Is, what's going on?"

"You find that a-adorable?" I ask, unable to get the words out without feeling like my brain was about to sink all the way to me toes. "H-how? It's gay and you said—"

"Israel calm down, I don't understand anything you're saying," Nessa pleads, getting up to her feet too.

"A sin is now adorable?" I ask, clenching and unclenching my fingers.

"A sin? What are you—"

"You're such a hypocrite Nessa. I cannot believe you right now," I glare, anger and distaste mixing up something really nasty inside of me. "You have no right to say that! You have no right!"

"Israel..."

I couldn't hear anymore, my blood feels like it's boiling and I feel like if I keep looking at Nessa, I'd do or say something stupid. With one last look at her, I turn around running up the stairs and into my room, locking the door behind me. I collapsed on my bed immediately, one thousand and one thoughts infiltrating my brain at once and causing me to wrap my hands around myself on the verge of a panic attack.

It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense.

"What's that?" I had asked, curiously looking at her.

"Gay?"

"Mm."

She waved her hand, "don't worry about that Is, it's a sin."

Why was she then so accepting? Why did she say she found it adorable then? What was all that about?!

I toss my pillow, throwing it straight at the only mirror in the room. It doesn't make much sounds and falls plump on the ground. If I wasn't at home or if it wasn't horrifyingly approaching three am in the middle of the night, I would've screamed. Hot tears rolled out my eyes at I succeeded in shutting down, pushing Nessa and everything that just happened to a file that would remain closed for now. I basically turn off, going numb to my thoughts and mental war.

It would all make sense eventually. It would all make sense eventually.

It's no surprise that I don't sleep for the rest of the night and I leave the house very early avoiding Nessa like a disease. I don't need all my questions answered now.

The answer might be too terrifying to bear.

---

It's Saturday and I don't have anywhere to go to justify leaving the house so early so I wind up in church.

It's weird being here so early with no goal in mind so I sit at a back seat, silently praying for my sins to be washed away and asking for the comfort of Jesus Christ in my heart and soul. I'm not sure it works but I start playing chess on my phone and when other people start arriving too, getting ready to clean the church, I join in.

Some of the chatty old ladies engage me in a conversation about school and my family and one even asks if I have a girlfriend, pipping out her granddaughter to me. Another shushes her, telling her she sees me getting all comfy with Pickett's daughter, Darcy. The conversation is a bit amusing and I end up loosening a bit and being a little chatty myself. I ask about their children and grandchildren and they eagerly talk about them, their spouses, jobs and even problems.