Him (BWWM)

44. 🔪

Amelia- Rose ~

I wasn't able to sleep peacefully that night at all. I had this ill-feeling that Alex was going to end my life right here on the spot with no remorse. Maybe a few occasional cries as he pleads with my corpse whimpering on how he never meant to kill me and probably would've blamed me as sociopaths like to do so.

I thought about how life could've been if I had never entertained Alex. The only way that would've happened was if Alex had never existed at all, or if Alex was able to take no for an answer- probably better if he had never existed. It still doesn't help the fact that there are probably millions of Alex's in this world that has the same kind of behaviour just like him.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Anything for you my love" I had fight the energy within me to not roll my eyes

"Did anyone hurt you or not love you when you were younger?" I asked

"Nobody hurt me, Rose. You love me...right?" He asked for reassurance

"I can't- Yes, I do love you, Alex..." I am not trying to say the wrong words and end up like Olivia "...But your behaviour isn't normal. I am asking these questions because if you truly love someone like you say you love me, you wouldn't let me suffer like this- did someone break your heart?" I asked

"My life isn't sad, Amelia-Rose..."

Right he's mad at me- never has he ever used my government name...

I stopped with the questions, as it remained silent between the two of us. I didn't mean to upset him or anything but judging from this small exchange, something had triggered him in his mind.

Face it, I've said this over and over again that I'm not going anywhere, but let me try to be useful- he needs help. I'm not even going to lie at the fact that I didn't enjoy the time we had together before he locked me up. If he does get help, I'd be able to start over with him again........Oh, who the fuck am I kidding- I don't want to be with him after this. I'm all here for him getting help, so he doesn't trap the next girl he falls in love with, but I don't think I'd be able to trust any man that comes into my life ever again. I'm 22 as well, let me live my life in my twenties- I don't want to be hooked onto no man, this is another reason why I moved out to L.A.

"...I never really had any friends growing up and being the only child, my parents would think something was wrong with me, but I was just different from everyone else..."

No- his parents were perfectly correct, there is something wrong with him.

"...I was a person that was to themselves all the time. I never fit in with the crowd as much. I always had the passion to draw when I was little. Many of the boys would call me a 'girl' just because I used to draw a lot, and it was a girl thing to do. Middle school and High school was so much worse for me- I used to get bullied because of the way I expressed myself- no girl wanted to be with me. One day, a boy called Josh Mattison- he made my life a living hell in High school and during our last days before we graduated, I just lost it and accidentally killed him by strangling him..."

That must be his killing tactic then...

"...I didn't mean it, I thought he was only fucking with me, but the colour of his face that turned purple and his eyes were fluttering back and forth and before I could stop...it was too late. I thought I was going to jail that night and at one point I didn't mind it because I really didn't have anything to offer after that. I ended up painting his killing as suicide, as they all fell for it- not one person thought I had done it- it relieved me somehow, knowing someone who pissed me of is finally gone."

"So killing people was your kind of closure for you and that's how it developed- do you just kill anyone or people that have caused you much damage in your life?" I asked

Why am I having these sort of conversations with him?

"It's the only way I can live with myself and be happy. I'm not a sort of person that kills people because I want to- how sociopathic of me would that be?...."

Oh... he's above and beyond the qualifications of a sociopath.

"Right...." I dryly laughed "...Um...well...what about trapping me then- there's got to be a story behind this?

"And I have told you before...I can't let you go, Rose-"

"Why can't you let me go?" I asked trying to get more information from him

"You're the first girl I've ever laid eyes on Rose since I was 22- I should've never been preying on you since you were still in school and I was an adult, but I couldn't help it."

Taking a deep breath and trying hard for Alex to see that I wasn't uncomfortable, I started "Before we carry on, how did you find me?"

"I lived a few roads away from you. I had realised that you moved- I didn't move to follow you, I moved for better opportunities, but you were still on my mind..." He explained "I just happened to find you again and I made it my mission to not lose you again. When I saw you, I didn't just see you for your beauty, But I saw you as someone different from all the other girls that didn't even bother to give me a second look. The way you dressed- you dressed for yourself, nobody else. You had this walk about you- it gave me independent, 'I don't give a fuck about what you think of my vibes', and I loved everything about that. It only coaxed me more to get to know you even more. It was a big risk in me getting rid of him before I went out on the date with you, but it was all worth it at the end..."

Got rid of who?...George?- I should've known better

"You killed him..." Was all I got from the conversation we had

"Was that all you got from the conversation?" He asked, looking at me silly "I poured out my heart to you, and that's all you can come up with?"

Everything flashed in my eyes when I felt cold and wanted to be sick. I didn't even want to know how Alex killed him. I just wanted to curse at myself for how stupid I was to ignore all the red flags that came about surrounding George's escape. If I had only done more, I probably wouldn't even be in this fucking situation.

"...I did it for us, Rose!" Alex got up from his area and went directly to me as he crouched down, cupping my cold face "...He was getting in the way, and the only way I could be with you was killing him. You seemed too happy with him, and I wanted to be the one man that could make you happy" he pleaded

"Supposed I never wanted you, Alex, supposed you killed George, and still I didn't want you- would you trap me like you're doing now or would you leave me alone and feel bad for yourself that you had killed someone for your own selfish gain?"

"But that's not case Rose- you wanted me, and I finally got you, and we can be together happily ever-"

"Fuck your happily ever after Alex!" I shouted at him. I have had enough. I don't care if he kills me now, at least he would know how I really feel about him afterwards "We don't have a happily ever after. We will never have a happily ever after. You don't love me- you are fucking obsessed with me, I don't give a shit what happened to you in the past, you are not going to use that as an excuse for your dumbass behaviour. I will never love you, and after this, it's a definite guarantee- I can't love someone that killed a girl that you thought it would be okay to take advantage of, I can't love someone that killed another just because you were scared that you would lose me! What the fuck is this?... I was never yours in the first place, I'm not an object, I'm a human..." I saw tears welling up in his eyes, and I did not care. I was not going to pity his ass as if the people he hurt didn't need pity