The imperfection we called our love | ✔

*Fifty*

I guess I lied, because I didn't see Finn for the rest of that year, so no there was no epic new year's kiss, lips meeting exactly when the first second of the new year welcomed everyone, and everyone welcomed the new year by screaming: 'happy new year' at the top of their lungs, whilst I had my tongue in someone else's mouth, and they had their arms around my waist. - Nope nothing like that.

Oh Finn had texted many times, inviting me to string along to his plans, or just simply come and see him, but as you can probably tell, I never accepted his invitation

I had my reasons of course, things had been much easier when mom was not speaking to me or so....present. Because now all she seemed to do was care, care where I was going, with who I was going, care about how I was going. - It was overwhelming. And the whole thing about her taking me to the places I needed to be at - I assumed it was more about her not trusting me than her suddenly caring about me travelling with strangers who were not her

For her it was fairly suspicious the fact that I had too many new 'friends' that have seemed to surface out of nowhere, well according to mom at least.

I mean I get it, after it had just been Amanda and I all these years, and now I was sleeping out by 'friends' houses that she has never met

I also couldn't bring myself to tell her about Amanda an I's falling out, I predicted that she'd even be more less trusting of me if she found out about this, like she'd trust my supposed 'friends' less if she knew, which is why I said nothing.

Another thing I had been dreading, were the opinions circulating, people watching because Finn was my ride usually, and now here my mom was after months of absence

I didn't know what people would think I didn't want to assume either, as it would just be negative things that would upset me more, things like; oh look she was dumped, and I knew it wouldn't have worked out, or Finn finally got tired of her...

I don't know why being dumped was something to be ashamed of, and either way I shouldn't have cared about anyone's opinions of me, but I did, all I seemed to care about was what people thought of me

Like if I did this what would they think of me? Or if I said that what would they say about me?

I wanted to be so perfect that no one ever had something to say about me, I know it was a lot to ask for, that no matter who you were there would always be someone who disliked you

But it's what I wanted, to feel validated I suppose

Now it wasn't just mom only making up for lost time by being present in my life, dad had seemed to have hopped on the caring train. The both of them had begun to start acting more like parents and less like..........mom and dad

I hated it, I had gotten accustomed to their old ways, I had adjusted, and now I was being forced to readjust

It was scary how normal everyone was acting; dad acting like nothing had happened, normal like he was still living with us playing the loving father and caring husband role

Dad called me last week, wanting to know about my grades and all that; he even went as far as making plans with me for the following weekend to teach me how to drive. I was dreading it because even though I could sort of drive, - and by sort of I meant I could move the car forward and bring it to a proper stop, reversing was really hard for me, plus the fact that the car jerked a lot when I drove it

Atop all of this, dad was not a very patient person.

It was Thursday and we had a pop quiz today, I anticipated this quiz because every once a week My Royce would give us one, when he didn't prepare a lesson for that day or he just didn't feel like talking to a bunch of kids who were simply there because they sort of wanted to learn but sort of would rather be anywhere else but here