The imperfection we called our love | ✔

*Forty-Three*

Never had I ever wanted to go back in time so badly than I had in that moment. I imagined how we would've done it all differently, or even just tweaked one of the slightest things just to have gotten a different outcome, how I could have mentally prepared myself for what I was about to see. In an alternate universe Finn would have warned me a week before the time, and I'd prepare myself in every way possible, and I'd be ready for the possible worst

But this was reality, and this was Finn we were talking about, but besides that nothing in my lifetime could've prepared me for what I was about to see in that moment in time

Finn unlocked the padlock at the base of the door, and looked at me so unsure of everything it made me nervous

''Go on'' I urged

He shut his eyes tight and lifted

I took a few steps closer, as the fluorescent lights flickered; the moment I stepped inside the room was illuminated and Finn shut the door behind me with a soft thud

I gasped, every thought, feeling and word left my body, tongue and brain

I was dumbstruck, wonderstruck in shock, awe – every sort of feeling it felt as if I were feeling them all at once

Finn placed a hand on my back, urging me to move forward where I could step inside, all my sense were muted and slow motion, my brain went to a place I didn't know where everything was just still and silent. I didn't think I could think, couldn't move, didn't remember how to move, my feet moved of their own accord

I had never seen anything like it before, I blinked a couple of times just making sure my mind was not fooling me

I know this might sound like I was exaggerating, overly dramatizing it, but up till then I was a below average high-schooler leading a pretty normal life, basic all the way around, but this –

It was the stuff made for movies

The entire container was filled with saran wrapped packages; and I mean jam packed from ceiling to ground with stacks the size of hay blocks

Drugs

There were a few other wooden crates in the corner of the room, but other than that, the room was filled with these stacks of drugs

What the -?

There was so much, like Italian mafia, gang, drug lord, definitely go to prison if Cops found you, FBI, CIA, homeland security, the end of the world, jail time for life type of stuff,- was what I was seeing

My heart was beating rapidly, even just being in this room felt like a crime, my palms were sweating, I looked to Finn, who was looking at me expectantly this was too much. Finn was watching me like a hawk, nothing I did in that moment went unnoticed by Finn

Finn also looked like he was about to pass out

I tried my best to focus on anything else but my surroundings, I tried to think of what Finn was going through, how stressful it must have been having to hide this, just doing normal things with the knowledge of a container filled with an illegal amount of drugs would have been enough to drive me to an insane asylum, how hard must it have been for him to open up and show me this?

I was aware that I was trying my best to make excuses for what I was seeing I think it was my brain's way of coping, and comprehending. I wanted to so badly believe that this was okay, nothing illegal

But nowhere in the world could this be okay

I covered my mouth with my hands, afraid of what might accidentally spill out

Finn noticed this of course, and came closer to me, removing my hands from my mouth, and holding them in his hands, I couldn't meet his eyes, even though I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my head, urging me to look at him

I couldn't bring myself to

''Say something please?'' he pleaded

I swallowed, and forced myself to at least face him; I still couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes, so instead I focused on the pale hair on his chin

''Finn what is this?'' I asked my voice shaking, knowing full well what this is but just wanting to hear some explanation for this craziness

Finn took a moment longer than I expected

I would have expected a faster response, I mean imagine I was a cop looking for a reason to believe Finn and giving him a chance to sway me, if Finn had responded this way, he would have been in handcuffs by now

''All I'm asking is for an explanation'' I asserted innocently

I waited for an answer, an explanation, a word, -but he offered nothing, not even a glance, instead he circled the room avoiding looking at me, raking a hand through his already tousled hair

I could already tell where this was going; Finn was going to find a way to somehow not answer my question, I walked around him so that I could face him. No way was he deflecting this

I grabbed two fistfuls of his t-shirt, forcing him to look at me

''What the hell is going on here? I don't understand what the fuck I'm looking at, please make me understand''

His head dropped first, and then the rest of his body followed shortly after

Sighing, I let Finn have a moment, and then I got onto the ground next to him, lifting his chin, this time urging him to look at me

''Make me understand'' I said again practically pleading

And so he did