The imperfection we called our love | ✔

*Fifty-Five*

Before I carry on I feel like I should make known that this story was always simply me relaying past events, events in which had occurred in Finn and mines unfortunate incongruous time spent together that we called a relationship

I don't mean to drag out this story or indulge in events that are irrelevant so I won't keep you for much longer, I'll try to wrap this up as quickly as possible without leaving out anything important

I wish I knew exactly where things went awry; I couldn't pinpoint an exact date on a timeline, because like most things, this was another one of those things I just didn't seem to know

The way I could describe it best was that one moment we were great and the next we weren't

We stopped being great when I deemed Finn not worth fighting for anymore

After Amanda's party things went on the same, Finn and I oblivious to everything around us besides each other's bodies, well me more than him, it was more than likely that any surface we had come across it was most probable that we had had sex on there. With where Finn and I stood In the drug selling industry I closed myself off to all of that, I tried to not be so judge-y but I think I had made it known that I was not appalled by the fact that my supposed lover had a warehouse filled with nothing but illegal means in it

So he stopped taking me, the drug runs became more of a solo thing for him

Besides all that a beautiful friendship had blossomed between Rue and me, Collin too if you will, it was sort of refreshing to have found friends again after Amanda

I had predicted that It would have been hard to trust after her, but it was like my heart hadn't learnt its lesson clearly enough yet, because there I found myself letting Collin and Rue in just like I had let Amanda in before

Sure I was wary, but the point was I had let them in which had left me again vulnerable to heartbreak

They were pretty cool and accepting of me and it was nice to have friends around especially now that mom and dad were pulling the reins of my independence again

It was sort of frustrating, but they seemed to tolerate each other which was odd as they had fought so ruthlessly for months, and then went to speaking to each other again

I was almost sure there fighting would have never seized, but here I was again wrong about something that I had been so sure of

I didn't feel as if although they were going to go back to the way they were, I mean dad still was not living with us, and I did still want things to go back to how they were prior to everything that had happened these last two years

But that seemed too big of a thing to wish for

Because of this, I was having to sneak out more than usual, I had told mom about the whole Amanda thing, well I had omitted certain truths.... who am I kidding most of the truths anyway, instead I settled on saying we had grown apart, I hadn't wanted to say anything at least not so soon but I had panicked when I saw Amanda's mom calling my mom one fine Sunday morning so I spilled before someone's story could contradict mine

I must add in the time I had spent with Finn his presence seemed to do that, I seemed to be more cautious and anxious about things I wouldn't have necessarily cared about before, I hated the constant guilt feeing, feeling guilty for doing things I hadn't done even

But I blamed that on the fact that if what I were doing was right or okay I wouldn't have felt this way at all, so me feeling like this was only an indication of how everything I was doing was totally wrong

Well sure it was fun while it lasted but not for the long run

I wanted a normal life, a normal boyfriend, in fact drugs did not amuse me that much like it appealed to others, I hated the smell it seemed to leave on you after, that smell that didn't just settle on your clothes but seemed to seep into your skin, and sure the first couple of times had been great but it didn't seem to pique my interest like it initially had, like I had gotten bored of it