The imperfection we called our love | ✔

*Twelve*

The thing I hate most about being the eldest child is : the responsibility. 

Or maybe just the fact that when something goes miserably wrong, everyone immediately jumps to the conclusion that it was somehow your fault. 

That Thursday when I got home from school, my mother was in the kitchen yelling at Matt.

 I sighed.

again?

Those days, the ones that had followed in my fathers absence, my mother had taken up the profession of yelling at Matt and I, for simply anything.

I slipped inside slowly, then closed the door as silent as possible behind me, - But it was as if the door was possessed by a demon that wanted nothing more than my demise.

 The door slipped out of my hand then banged shut, and all of a sudden my mother's full attention was on me. 

 ''Hi  Mom''  I said softly, my eyes searching the room for anything to focus on, other than her face.

She didn't answer. - So I took it  as a sign to move fast, or be screwed.

I moved, quick and while walking past I caught a glimpse of Matt standing frigid and looking all distressed. I also spotted a bottle of bourbon half empty on the kitchen counter, and the biggest glass we probably owned in all our kitchen cupboards right next to the bottle. 

Even  If I Had planned on saying anything else , - entirely for Matt's sake, it immediately faded  away the second I saw that bottle

''oh, excuse me your royal highness'' my Mom slurred loudly, placing her hands firmly and dramatically on her hips

And here we go

This was almost the exact turn I was dreading, I could practically see now how this was going to turn out

'' Mom, please''  I pleaded  gently, trying to save myself from what was possibly going to come.

She was drunk, and I did not want to fight with her.

She swayed drunkenly towards me, I didn't know how drunk she was until then. Her breath reeked, and she could barely keep her eyes on me

''Who the fuck do you think you are?'' she said louder than before, a little bit of spit landing just above my brow, I didn't dare wipe at it.

I didn't say anything, there was no nice way to get out of this, so I stayed with what seemed like the most reasonable option:  silence.

''Huh? im talking to you''  she pressed on

But my mother was clearly not having it

So she carried on none the less

''Yeah, You think you can just walk in here everyday like the shit, like you own the bloody show''

my nails dug into my skin

''well guess what, you fucking WRONG!''

She laughed, swayed a bit from side to side, then nearly fell down.   I saw this happening and I quickly reached out to help her.  But she slapped my hand the moment I tried doing so.

my hands experienced a slight zing.

''Don't touch me you cunt'' she spat. the look on her face was pure distaste, I felt it, but ignored the pang of hurt.

she was drunk, she didn't mean it. Or did she ?

I withdrew 

She laughed again, this time more bitter

''You know what, I gave my fucking all to this family, just to be shoved under the bus. Ungrateful, all of you UNGRATEFUL!''

I flinched, I had gotten a fright by the sudden high pitch my mothers voice had begun to take.

''Matt over here, trying to be a little gangster''  she said pointing a harsh finger in Matt's direction.

her attention was now on matt again, and she had a look of death on her face.

On impulse I moved to Matt now, not wanting him to get hurt

''yeah starting fights, what next?  -''  she spat    ''Huh?  whats next?   if you already started stabbing people''

I was shocked by this wild accusation, but Matt wasn't defending himself, so was it true?

As if predicting this, Matt finally answered.

''Mom, I told you it was a mistake'' He whined, tears threatening at his yes, I could practically see it

''Don't give me that bullshit'' she snarled and turned around

She went over to the bottle picking up the bottle trying to pour into the glass, but her hands were too shaky, so she decided to just go for the bottle, she raised it to her lips, and drank, and drank, I saw her throat bulge with every gulp she took, and some bourbon running down her cheeks and neck.

She set the bottle down, and panted, taking a moment to regain composure, then fixed her hate fully on me

''You know what, now it all makes sense,''    Her eyes widening with excitement.   ''You, the little bitch that you are, probably were  encouraging him to fight''

I dug my nails deeper into my palm

Jesus fuck, is this woman crazy?

If I had to say something now, it would most likely make things worse.

 I bit on my tongue, full force.

''Yeah, what kind of example are you? -  no wonder this  happened''  

I nearly scoffed.

She begun walking in my direction in harsh strides, the look on her face terrified me, I backed up, until I was against the wall, she took my hair in her one hand, and I sensed her raise her other hand,- She was probably gonna hit me

I closed my eyes and turned my head on instinct.

I felt her then yank my hair forcing me to look at her

''oh, the little bitch is ashamed now''  She snarled

I took a deep breath

''Its not her fault mom! - I told you he didn't want to leave her alone, the pencil was just in my hand when I tried to help her '' Matt interjected

I scrunched my face in confusion, I had no idea what the kid was ranting about, or how what he just said benefited the situation.

''shut up you twat!'' she yelled, not taking the least bit of notice of him as predicted

I flinched again

It was like everything I said was being taken and twisted.

The landline rang , breaking the tension

The second it rang , my Mom made her way to the counter, Matt looked great full for the chance to escape. he glanced at me, almost seeking some sort of permission .

my eyes met his, and that was all he needed before slipping out.

I just stood there dumbfound

my Mom picked up the phone, and even in her drunken state, she switched from angry raging hypocrite mother, to your sweet friendly next door neighbour who struggles with two rude brat children that she can't control. 

My Mom turned to look at me one last time, she removed the phone from her ear and put her hand on the mouthpiece

''fuck outta here''  she said, and with that sashayed drunkenly into the living room

and that was exactly what I did