The imperfection we called our love | ✔

*Thirty*

October was by far the worst

Dad and mom were not even living together but they were fighting more frequently than ever.

I stayed in my room, and smoked till the room was fogged up. I was done caring because they were being immature and childish; it was like a battle on who could be more spiteful in the least amount of time.

It was tiring, and i never thought I'd say this, but i wished they could just get divorced, - if it meant an end to all the sleepless nights

I guess I was praying for something to change

But it didn't, and I was growing more afraid that it might never.

As a result of this, i was always frustrated, always unnecessarily rude, always doing things i probably shouldn't have been doing.

Of course this was also affecting the people I interacted with mostly

Which was: Amanda

She said she didn't like the person I was becoming.

I didn't blame her; I probably wouldn't like me either

What I did blame her was for the hurt she left me feeling afterwards.

it had upset me more than I'd care to admit how she reacted, because i knew she was judging, and although I've never been one to compare when it came to Amanda and I

I did then

Only because when Amanda did bad shit i respected her decisions even if I didn't necessarily agree with it, because I respected her.

I make a couple of bad choices and I'm labelled the devil.

She also blamed Finn for a lot of it as well.

And when I told her that wasn't fair, she told me I needed to stop protecting him.

I swear I wasn't, it had never been about him.
I was changing, I had feelings, things in my life were changing, how was i supposed to react?

Finn being in the picture wasn't a cause of my life changing; Finn being in the picture was an effect of the many causes that had begun moulding my life into a new shape

__________________________________________

Finn and I had settled into the weirdest of patterns, it was rhythmic but also spontaneous.

We frequently went to this specific open field that looked like there had been some type of building structure a while back, but now all that was left, was a step, a few pillars, and thick grass and flowers growing in-between.

I suspected there was a reason why we came here a lot, there couldn't not be one, Finn did almost nothing without cause

I just hadn't figured the ideal way to ask about it yet.

Most afternoons we'd lie in the grass and soak up the sun. - No, it wasn't romantic or anything, it was just comforting.

This Sunday Finn was exceptionally quiet, I could tell there was something on his mind by the way he kept on stroking the grass so gently in one moment, then in another, he'd intertwine his fingers with the grass, only to rip them out from the ground

I turned to face him, lying on my side and resting my hand underneath my head for support

''Let's play a game'' I suggested closing my eyes as tightly as possible, kind of afraid at what his response would be

He turned to me, my hand now in his reach, he begun tracing the lines across my palm which sent tiny jolts through my body

''What do you have in mind'' he said devilishly