The imperfection we called our love | ✔

*Fifteen*

The atmosphere had changed so much at home, that I couldn't describe what exactly what was happening anymore. I had found myself worrying sick for weeks, worrying about everything and anything - It didn't do me any good of course.

But that seemed to be all I could think of; things that I had no power or control of/over

So much so, that it engulfed me

Which was why I decided that on Friday I needed out

I was getting out of the house

It helped that Matt had gone to a friend's house and would most likely only be returning home the Monday. Just the thought of sitting at home and listening to the endless ticks of the grandfather clock in the living room tick for what seemed like all eternity was enough to feed my sudden need to get out of the house

Mentally I knew I would not be able to handle sitting another hour in this dead house, with nothing but the clocks rhythmic ticking to keep me company.

There was just one problem; I hated socializing.-well, that wasn't entirely true, I socialized with Amanda, I didn't so much like socializing in groups, or with people I didn't really know. Basically interacting with other human beings was a sensitive subject for me.

I knew there was a football game at the school this Friday, and I didn't really go to those types of things, mainly because that was the hub of interacting and bonding with people at your school over something you all had in common whether you liked it or not, which was; football

Or a common enemy; which would of course be the other team playing

It also wouldn't come as a surprise that Amanda thrived at these games; I'd seen her live in action. It would happen like this; I'd go with her to a game we'd get some snacks, find a seat, along the way Amanda would make new friends, maybe invite them to sit with us, maybe she would go with them, then somewhere along the night Amanda would look at me expectantly, basically asking some unspoken permission where she would rightfully do her duty as the best friend to ask me if I'd be okay with whatever was happening at the time

And id nod because I knew Amanda, and I knew she wanted me to be okay with this

Which I would be if Amanda would leave me alone, and I'd be fine sitting alone watching the game, minding my own business eating my snacks not having to share with anyone , - but this never happened

Because Amanda never let it happen, if she found new people at a game, she'd insist on dragging me along, even if I really didn't want to

I know she meant well, because if roles were reversed she'd want me to do the same for her. But I didn't want that.

I remember a while back stumbling upon one of my mother's many; ''how to save your marriage books'' – and I don't know what it was, if it was a guilty pleasure of mom's but she had a lot of these, anyway circling back to my point; I read something in there, it read; ''don't love someone the way you want to be loved, love them the way they want to be loved'' – I didn't really get it then, but it grew on me like a plague, what was basically meant by that, your definition of love was different to the next person, like if you liked fashion and your husband liked fishing, did you buy him a pair of Louis Vuitton heels as opposed to a fishing rod

Same concept with Amanda and me, our friendship was mainly her dancing to her own music, and me going along with it

I could go to this game, and just go alone, get my own snacks, sit on my own, plus I knew there'd be more than enough people around for the 'girl sitting alone' to go unnoticed

So I went to the game like I said I would, then sat down by the emptiest row I could find- like a looser, like everyone knew I would.

I spotted Amanda as the game was starting but I avoided her gaze, because then she would either wave me over or, - worse sit by me, and that was not why I had come to this match.