The imperfection we called our love | ✔

*Twenty-Eight*

It became an unspoken agreement from that day,- that every day Finn would pick me up from school, and we either hung out, smoked more than was necessary, went to parties to drop of dope, and attended many illicit gatherings.

I was slipping into something entirely new, - I was hardly home, I almost never saw Amanda , I hadn't bothered with Matt, I don't know about mom and I didn't much care for where she was.

Even at Dave's parties Finn and I, seemed to be each other's permanent company. We were inseparable.

I would like to pinpoint exactly where it all started, - but I honestly couldn't.

I was always inhaling something, smoking something, drinking something. - Sometimes I woke up at my place, sometimes at Finn's.

Not forgetting the talk;

At first no one ever spoke to me, looked at me, let alone knew my name. - The moment Finn pulled up the first day after school. People seemed to know more about me than I knew about myself.

They were also more open about their opinions.

Girls with their fake concern, saying how Finn was just using me, and when he decided he was done, I'd be discarded like a used Kleenex.

And even guys, - suddenly seemingly more interested in me than they'd ever been.
You could say I was 'trending' at crescent high school.

When I was younger I remember my mom telling me about how girls were just plain old conniving and troublesome - that they do plenty of bad things, but then justify it - and make themselves out to be 'good/caring people' just to make them feel better about themselves.
And guys were animals who treated girls like meat, regardless of who you are/were. And that they only wanted you when they couldn't have you

Ever since I'd learnt this, I've never looked at guys as anything but that.

I look at Finn like this too.

This whole: 'they only want you if they can't have you' thing is way deeper than it seems

For example: they only wanted me because they thought I was with Finn.

And Finn only – well I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Dave seemed to hate me even more, and Cecily always looked at me with this sad look on her face.

I couldn't have cared less.

Finn and I were at some party where it wasn't just high school kids. - Finn's trunk was filled with so much drugs it must've been illegal.

This concerned me that we were transporting so much.
I was afraid of getting busted, - to the point where my anxiousness was growing inside of me like a foetus.
I didn't want to go to juvie, I didn't want a criminal record based on the dumb shit I had done in high school, I didn't want to get caught- I couldn't.

And when I had informed Finn of my obvious concerns, -
He had pulled me up against him so close that I could feel his breath on my cheek, - and whispered in my ear ; "baby no one's going to catch us''. –

And for those few seconds I seemed to have bought every word.

We were sitting on a love seat across a longer sofa; there were bongs and straight lines of white powder on the table that separated the sofas

Finn's one arm was draped loosely over my shoulder, tracing lazy circles on my arm, I focused on his fingers, and the slightly crooked repetitive circles they were making on me, - focusing so intently that I stopped pinching for a while.