Feel my love...

CHAPTER 9

An early update! And it's a pretty long chapter, 7K!

Not a moment of hesitation that I'm going to fuck it up or anything, I just press my lips to his, with my heart pounding everywhere in my body. It felt like my lips fit perfectly against his and my heart skips a beat at the feel. His lips are warm against mine and he is frozen. I pull back few seconds later, and gulp when he looks shocked, eyes wide and horrified. And I knew I fucked up.

"Did-" He cuts himself off, gulping. "Did you just kiss me?"

I gulp too. "Y-yeah" please tell me to do it again, please Liam.

"Why?" he whispers.

"I-I" I gulp again. "I...."

"Don't do it again" he pushes my hands off his waist and tries to step back, but there is a table behind him. It hurts nonetheless that he is trying to put distance in between us. "Don't you dare to do it again, Zayn"

"Why not?" I question, feeling heart broken. I knew he doesn't feel the same, fuck Niall. Fuck Liam's dad.

"Because you have no right to!" he snaps. "Are you crazy?"

It was like he was sending daggers to my heart and I stumble back a bit.

"Liam..." I don't know what else to say.

"Don't do it again" he requests, still trying to step back from me.

"What if I want to?" I counter, my voice choked up due to emotions.

"What?" he blinks "Zayn, you must be crazy."

I'm crazy? Right.

"Why do you think I'm crazy to kiss you?" I demand and he flinches.

"Because nobody in their right mind would want to kiss me!" he exclaims and I had to take a deep breath in to control myself. "I'm just a burden, Zayn. I'm useless thing taking up place in this world. It will be better of me and this is what you do? Kiss me? If anyone in our school ever finds that out, you will receive so much hate. You are one of the most desired boy in our school, I can't have you-"

"Shut up!" I exclaim, cutting him off. "I don't give a fuck about what they think, okay? I don't care what they think at all. I just-I just want to be with you"

"Please....no" he shakes his head, tears dripping down his cheeks. "Don't...stop"

"Liam..." I plead too "I-I"

"No, don't say it" he commands, breathing hard. "Don't you say it, Zayn. It's not true. You are just.... confused"

"Confused?" I repeat in bewilderment. "I know what I want, I know who I am. And I-"

"Stop!" he shakes his head, and wipes at his cheeks.

"No matter how many times you try to deny it, it's the truth" I tell him, wiping my own cheeks.

"Zayn, I beg you. Just pretend this didn't happen" he literally begs and it breaks my heart further. I feel my lips tremble, new surge of tears coming up.

"I can't" I shake my head. "I won't"

"Please, I don't want us to fight. Please" he pleads "I don't want this to come in between us"

"I'm sick of it, Liam!" I tell him "I'm sick of just being your friend. I want to-"

"No, shut up" he cuts me off. "Zayn, please. I'm not worth it. Trust me"

"You don't know your value" I tell him. Only I know how many nights I have spent dreaming about being with him, holding him, kissing him and having a future with him. And this is what he is thinking of himself?