Feel my love...

CHAPTER 21

Hey guys, an update is here.

Actually I tried to include some smut to this fic. I originally wasn't planning on it but an idea came up, so I went with it. People who are not comfortable reading smut can skip parts between ×××××

And it's Liam's POV :)

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I can feel the water cascade down my body and it helps me calm down. Upon my request, Zayn left after my third therapy session. Nothing got better, I still struggled to talk about simplest things about my life. Dr. May is just too patient, if it were someone else, I would be put under lost case already.

I rest my forehead against the cold tile and imagine, just for a moment. How would it be if the accident didn't happen? I would be a normal teenage boy, with a happy family. I don't know if I would have met and fell for Zayn though. Maybe it's the bullying and depression that got his attention. Or else, I wouldn't be his boyfriend in that different world. I might have been plainly boring and he might have went out with Stella, maybe.

I shake myself off those thoughts. He is with me, that's what matters and I caress the bracelet softly with my fingertips.

All that you are is all that I'll ever need.

He meant it when he gave it to me. I need to stop doubting it. My fingers catches on the bracelet my dad got for me and I sigh at that. Dad....he is trying to make things better in between us, but I feel like what we had is lost. There is this big elephant in the room that we both can't ignore. He tries, though. He is still trying, so I try not to give up already.

School starts tomorrow. And I'm worried about facing Aiden again. And just the word 'school' reminds me of those days I was locked up and left hopeless.

I'm not there. I'm in my home. I'm safe. I'm alive. Zayn is still with me.

Looks like I'm my own enemy. I don't need anyone else to put me down, I do a good job of it.

Washing out my hair, I trace the walls and find the towel hanging in the hook. I grab it and wrap it around my waist and step out. I smile when I feel soft fur rubbing against my leg to be picked up as soon as I walked out.

"Hey bud" I press a kiss to Baymax's head after picking him up clumsily. He licks my face and snuggles into my wet neck. It tickles and I chuckle. I've decided to spend the night on my own and Baymax is doing a good job of distracting me. I open my wardrobe and pull on an oversized hoodie (Zayn's) and shorts. I wrap myself, Teddy and Baymax in a blanket and settle on the bed. I keep petting Baymax, just to remind myself I'm not alone, I'm not locked up. But my mind does wander to those memories.

The silence around me is deafening, I want to hear something. But I don't hear anything but my own rapid breathing and the drip of some leaking pipe in the restroom.

Zayn must have left. It's too late. He must have thought I don't want him anymore. I lost him forever. No more warm cuddles, no more whispered secrets, no more of his sandalwood scent, no more of soothing or heated kisses...no more of Zayn.

Tears brim my eyes and I plead to open the door again, even though I know Aiden left a long time ago. The floor is too chill and it's freezing in here. All I have got is Zayn's jacket to warm me up. I hurt Zayn...I always hurt him. All I do is hurt him, maybe it's good that he left.

But no, I want him here to hold me. I want him to say everything is gonna be okay. I want to be in his arms again and feel the warmness spread my insides when he kisses my forehead. But he is not. He left and he will move on from me. He will realise I'm too bad for him,I'm too toxic.