Vent...

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Ok I'm about to vent idc who listens anymore so if you wanna hear it go ahead but I couldn't care less. Ok so there was one person I acted about deeply and we'd talks almost everyday and I'd always find myself smiling when I talked to them. But apparently they got themselves a girlfriend and didn't tell me. I didn't really care at first but once I started overthinking it, it hurt me alot I felt left out. I mean it's probably petty but not when your the one asking me for advice and asking me why you always get mistreated by girls. And the sad part is. I'm always checking up on them and making sure their okay but the moment you get a girlfriend you stop talking to me? And to think Im the one looking out for you when I don't have to. We haven't talked in weeks and I deleted our messages on instagram. I am just so tired of it like idk what to do anymore. Did I fail as a Friend? I don't even feel like a friend to some peopleI feel more like an option or someone they run to when they need something.THE WORST FEELING IS
WHEN SOMEONE MAKES YOU FEEL SPECIAL
THEN SUDDENLY LEAVES YOU HANGING AND YOU HAVE TO ACT LIKE YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL. LIKE IM SO TIRED OF PRETENDING AND IT'S GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE I DON'T KNOE IF I CARE OR NOT ANYMORE.
It's not like it matters anymore this is probably just the begginging. I'm about to meet new people maybe they'll be my real friends.
I mean I don't regret my past
I did this too many times I'm tired.
I just regret all the time I have wasted
with the wrong people. I did this too many times I'm tired okay. This is why Im so fucked in the head now it's not even fully me anymore. I liked who I was before I let my mind destroy me with all of it's sick thoughts but I'm not mad at it cuz they all turned out to be true. It just hurts bcuz I try so we part hard to help eveyrone else when no one can ever help me. It's always me they run to only when they need something. And watch when the little bitch heart his heart too he's gonna come crawling back crying to me about her. I know be doesn't care because they haven't bothered to text me and they haven't noticed I've deleted our conversation. And the fact that I used to hate you for no reason makes sense now I see why my brain told me not to get in contact with you if you were gonna fucking leave like the rest of them. I should have listened to it before.

Fuck now I'm crying because of someone else again. I'm going to bed goodnight. 

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