Whispers in the dark (Frerard)

Falsely optimistic

~Gerard~

Leaking, there was something about the idea of leaking. Y'know the drip, drip, dripping of a roof or pipe and you or at least I try to ignore the sound for hours and hours and then you can ignore it and you do, then you realize your drowning..... I was unsure if writing down my feeling made me better by putting all of my feelings out in the open or made me worse by highlighting how truly broken I was. but sadly yet again I never seem to know.

The hospital bored me it was either too hot or too cold, too bright or too dark. I wanted to see Frank, be with Frank, let Frank hold me. We had spoke once since we ended up in our own A and E's. I was alone, all alone, seemingly alone forever. I was tired and unhappy and those hideous yellow curtains were not helping. When they were closed the room was cascaded into a tinted yellow light that was sickening. when open they sickened me equally. Why yellow why not light azure blue or subtle lilac or simplistic green anything other than the gaudy mess that hung above the window. Anxiety radiated from them unpleasantness every sickness I could think of just came to mind when looking at these curtains they were too bright, too yellow, too false I defined what they were false optimism this entire hospital was falsely optimistic. If this place had a face it would smile broadly constantly licking its lips whether it was hungry and ready to jump on and eat it's prey or just licking its lips was uncertain because it was unpredictable it's eyes would be ready and alert.... crazy. And those curtains were the representation of the architectural monster this place was. The smiling psychopath this place was. The curtains were unsettling and unpleasant and I could go on but I better not.

I was bored and tired and missing Frank, my frank he was mine and I was his and nothing else seemed to matter. Frank was my rock, my sun, my medication and my drive he was a lighter and I was a cigarette I would burn for him. 
The boredom never seem to cease it had been almost four days of almost complete boredom. Bored. I sat on my bed and just stared all morning out the window at the clouds and the sky and when they closed the curtains I would stare at them feeling sickly and uneven feeling desperate. Lets face it being desperate. I had not been allowed the phone and then the nurse walked in phone In hand the name Frank illuminating off the screen. I took it, she left, I answered.

"Hey Faggot" he whispered