Utos Niya

39 WHAT DO YOU FEEL?

"Miss, ano 'to? Listahan ng utang?" salubong ni Cruz kay Noleen nang lumabas ito ng restroom. "A list of Xander's women. Tama ba?"

Agad na hinablot ng babae ang notebook sa kamay niya. "Napakapakialamero mo kahit kailan!"

Naniningkit ang mga matang inilapit ni Cruz ang mukha kay Noleen. "Bakit nakalista ang personal information nila? Para sa'n ang schedules?"

Noleen took a step back and found that she could go no further. Bubuksan niya sanang muli ang pinto pero naunahan siya ni Cruz sa doorknob.

"Anong ibig sabihin ng mga pangalang naka-ekis?"

Noleen turned her face away and hissed a command that he leave her alone. Ngunit matigas ang ulo ni Cruz.

"One time I saw you in a hotel lobby with one of Xander's women, talking to her with papers in hand and two personal guards. What was that about?" He leaned in and whispered angrily. "Alam mong ginagago ka ng asawa mo. Gano'n ka ba kamasokista para saktan ang sarili at isa-isahin ang mga babae niya?"

"That's enough."

"Miss—"

"I was asking her to leave my husband alone!"

"Your husband's at fault, too!"

Why was Cruz sticking his nose into her business? Naiirita na si Noleen. Noon pa nadudurog ang pagkatao ni Xander sa kaibigan ngunit wala namang katotohanan ang mga iniisip nito.

Fuck.

Perhaps he should know?

Perhaps Xander deserved to clear his name?

After all, utang niya ito sa asawa.

"Hindi mo alam ang sinasabi mo! Inutos ko kay Xander na gawin ang lahat ng 'yon. Ginusto ko 'yon. Hiniling ko 'yon sa kanya."

Hindi alam ni Cruz kung nagkamali siya ng dinig, ngunit nakita ng binata ang pangingilid ng luha sa mga mata ni Noleen.

All at once, the mission Noleen had kept for long was out in the open. And she explained everything while stammering, saying over and over again that she was a fool and that she couldn't blame Xander for not coming after her. It had been three days since she last heard of him, since she last saw the sight of him, tongue fucking Erica Du Ville.

"Cruz, what have I done?"

Noleen Castillo's helpless plea stunned Cruz for a moment. The sight of her on her knees, consumed by overwhelming guilt, froze him into silence.

It was a sorry sight.

Pero sa unang pagkakataon, hindi nakadama ng kahit anong awa ang binata. Sa unang pagkakataon, ang galit ay nahati lamang sa sarili at kay Noleen.

Pinakinggan ni Cruz ang buong paliwanag ni Noleen. The details caused him to clench his fist and grit his teeth. It was a twisted narration of a life he never wanted to live. And he had thought Xander was lucky. Tangina.

Noleen justified her perverse plan by saying, "I just want Xander and I to begin with a clean slate."

It finally dawned on Cruz, he was too blinded by his affections for a woman who caused his friend's pain. Sa pagkakataong ito, awa, pag-aalala, at habag para sa kaibigan ang nananaig sa puso niya.

Pagkatapos ng mahabang pananahimik, Cruz finally found his voice to ask, "And you've been doing this for how long?"

"Almost two years."

"Two years bago mo na-realize na isang malaking kalokohan ang ginawa mo? Bago mo maisip na 'tama na, pagod na ang asawa ko?' Na mali pala 'to?" Cruz didn't wait for her answer. "Bullshit!"

Noleen winced.

Tumayo si Cruz at marahas na hinila si Noleen patayo. "Gawin mo."

"A-ano?"

"Gawin mo sa 'kin." Yumuko ang binata at inilapit ang mukha sa babae. "Kiss me and tell me you love me. Over and over again."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Noleen sa narinig.

"Kiss me with so much passion. Isipin mong umaarte tayo sa harap ng camera. Then tell me how much you love me. How much you care for me. How much you want me in your bed."

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"To be forced to kiss someone you do not love. Someone you do not care about. Miss, does that sound familiar?"

Noleen choked on her breath and pushed Cruz away.

"Tell me exactly . . . what do you feel? Was it really that revolting that you can't even speak?" Furiously, Cruz let Noleen go and yelled. "You have subjected my friend to that kind of life!"

"Friend?" a voice near the door interrupted.

Natigilan si Cruz.

Napasinghap naman si Noleen nang makita ang asawa na pumasok sa kwarto.

Xander's cold stare met Cruz's. "You call me friend, and yet here you are. Inside a hotel room. Alone with my wife."

"Hindi ito gaya ng iniisip mo," paliwanag ng binata.

"Dito ako tinuro ng receptionist. Pinapunta ako, para ano? Panoorin kayo? Was I too late? Did I miss the show?" Xander, without taking his eyes off Noleen, calmly informed, "Pictures are circulating around the internet. They're speculating that the two of you are married."

Noleen frowned and Cruz shook his head. "Kahapon ko lang din nalaman," he said. "Starcross' public relations is handling the matter. At isa pa, hindi ko hihilinging maikasal sa babaeng 'to." Hinding-hindi.

Nakakatawa. Parang kailan lang, handa niyang gawin lahat para kay Noleen, pero ngayon, matinding pagkahiya at panlulumo ang nararamdaman ng binata dahil sa nagawa niyang pag-aakusa sa kaibigan.

Alam niyang nasasaktan din si Noleen sa lahat ng nangyari, pero hindi mawari ni Cruz kung anong klaseng utak ang meron ang babae para magawa ang bagay na 'yon. Paano nasikmura ni Noleen na iutos ang ganoong bagay sa sariling asawa?

Para naman kay Xander na ang buhay ay umikot sa pagsunod sa utos ng mga taong tinitingala, ang pagsang-ayon sa baluktot na kagustuhan ni Noleen ay hindi kayang pantayan ni Cruz. Kung ganitong klase ng pag-ibig ang namamagitan sa dalawa, nakakatakot pala talagang umibig.

Masyadong komplikado.

Masyadong masakit.

Masyadong mapanira.

Hindi niya kaya.

Kinuha muli ni Cruz ang notebook na binitiwan ni Noleen sa sahig. Hinagis niya ito sa direksyon ni Xander.

"Your wife has a lot of explaining to do." Lumingon siya kay Noleen at nasaksihan ang pamumutla nito. "Mas mabuti nang sabihin mo sa kanya."

"Na ano?" nalilitong tanong ni Xander.

"You'll find out soon. If you ever feel the need to strangle her, kahit na ang hirap paniwalaan, kahit masyadong baluktot, remind yourself that she did everything out of love." He looked at Noleen. "But, Miss, I want you to know that the things you do for love are unthinkable, cruel, and sick."

Sinabi ni Cruz sa sarili na wala siyang maramdamang awa para kay Noleen. However, her unstable condition was alarming. He had been a witness to her pain, to her guilt.

Noleen Castillo was used to being placed high up, she was used to getting her own way, that now she was about to fall hard on the ground, it would be too painful for her.

Before Cruz left the room, he told Xander a message, that kind of message that the 'Cruz' who had blinded affections for Noleen would give. "Try not to make your wife miserable than she already is. She's going to ask for another chance."

Xander turned to his wife, his expression unreadable. "God gives second chances. I am not God."