Song for the chapter: Early Sunsets- MCR and All I wanted- Paramore
I start to stir and I feel my head pounding. I try to piece the night with my head still in the pillow I remember Gerard walking me outside and then it gets hazy. I remember a weird dream I think? I was asking Gerard what happened and he was dismissive. Ugh, why can't my head stop pounding? I lay there while I hear people quickly talk in the room.
"Gerard I don't understand why you need me to leave can't you just tell me what happened last night with Tyson," Frank whispers to Gerard. Ya Frank, I am curious too, maybe if I pretend to be asleep I can hear the real tea.
"I need you to get the fuck out because I got into an argument with Y/n last night. Go to Mikey and Ray's room and they will explain it to you. I'll text you around 2 to let you know when you can come back. Tell them that I'll be ready for sound check at 5," Gerard says.
Fuck it wasn't a dream. I start to think harder about what occurred once we got back here. I start to remember things and mostly how I felt; scared. I was scared of Gerard and hurt. I felt a shiver travel up my spine and I try to keep my emotions inside while I pretend to sleep. I hear Frank pick up his things and start walking over to the door. Great the one time I want Frank to be here he is leaving.
I feel the bed on the other side dip in meaning that Gerard sat down. I shortly feel a hand rest on my shoulder and rub slowly.
"Sugar, wake up," Gerard says placing a kiss on the top of my head. I feel a tear fall from my eye and a mixture of sadness, fear, and anger build up. I don't move to try to still pretend to be asleep.
"Sugar. It's 10 let's go get coffee," Gerard says wrapping an arm around me hugging me from behind. My stomach turns at the thought of him trying to play this off and the fear I felt is slowly just turning to anger.
"I don't want to," I say flatly still facing the wall. I hear Gerard sigh and sit up on the bed.
"Can you turn over so we can talk," Gerard says.
"I don't want to talk to you," I answer back coldly.
"Well I do," Gerard says back.
"Ya well I don't and that was good enough reason last night so why don't you fuck off," I say back lifting my head up to rip my pillow out and throw it toward him. I don't know if I hit him but I think he got the point.
"Y/n, please. I'm sorry ok it was a long night and I just wanted to talk about it this morning," Gerard says.
"OH YA? So when I am actually worried about how you are and your feelings it's not important? I'm just supposed to 'go the fuck to bed' say nothing and just be all loving and obedient today?!" I say sitting up in bed feeling my eyes fill with tears.
"Ya well you weren't really in a good state to fucking talk now were you," Gerard says back. I feel my anger boil even more. I stand up and go to my bags.
"I'm fucking leaving," I say throwing open a drawer and stuffing my stuff in.
"You're what," I hear Gerard's voice pitch up.
"YA! I'M LEAVING! You want to just deflect and act like you fucking being a dick to me is ok? Fine. I'm going home. Good luck tonight," I say and Gerard pulls my hands away from the suitcase. I try to fight back but it's no use. I look up to him with tears flowing and a pained expression on his face.
"I-I don't know what to say. I didn't mean what I said to you. I was just still angry from earlier and I took it out on you. I know that isn't an excuse and I shouldn't have said that at all. Please. Please don't leave." Gerard pleads.
