The Misfit

The nightmare

I knocked back a drink as it burned my throat on the way down. I could barely see anything because of the tears threatening to spill over. I felt disconnected from my body like I was watching myself struggle in the sea of sweaty bodies swaying to the music. Needing any form of relief from my emotions I took the drink from some random girl and drank it in a few chugs.

After I finished the drink, I felt sharp nails dig into my scalp. The girl gripped my hair ripping my body backwards and onto the ground. Everybody around me pointed and laughed. I got back up I was sick and tired of people treating me like trash. As I was about to get a hit in a few girls from her friend's group held me down. She came up to me and spit in my face calling me a fat pig.

Her friends finally let me go and I walked to the bathroom the best I could. The humiliation was taking over my senses, and I couldn't register what was going on. My body started to feel numb, almost like I couldn't move my limbs. As I got to the bathroom, I opened the door without caring who was in there. I saw a guy leaning over an unconscious girl, he obviously didn't realize I was there. He started to remove her clothes and I stood there is a dazed confusion, then I shortly came to.

I yelled to get anyone's attention so he would stop. I tried to pry him off her, but he grabbed my arm and put his hand over my mouth to stop my screaming. Once in the room he shoved me down on the bed. I started to panic because my limbs wouldn't move.

"If I can't have her, I will just have to make you my toy tonight" he said with venom in his voice. I started to hyperventilate, and my vision started to fade but I managed to keep my eyes open.

I felt his hand ripping my jacket off and my shirt in two. Soon enough I was laying there freaking out knowing what was about to happen. Then I felt him reach down to my underwear and I could do nothing to fight it. I felt worthless.

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I woke up with sweat dripping down my forehead and tears down my cheeks. I lay in my bed for a few minutes trying to catch my breath. I have tried my hardest to shove those thoughts deep inside but no matter how hard I try they always resurface.

That night will always haunt me, and I can't help but think that I will never get over it. Thinking of how it felt with his hands on my body makes me feel disgusting. I want to be numb to the retched thoughts that live deep in my head. But if I do become so numb, I know there will be no turning back no matter how hard I try.

The morning after that happened, I called every person in my family, and no one answered. I ended up walking home aimlessly. When I finally got home, I sat on the front steps till my dad came home that evening. I didn't talk to anyone for a week, not even Alex, even though he tried. I was contemplating everything in my life. contemplating my worth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After lying in my bed for a few hours I decided it was time that I went downstairs. I slipped on my favorite hoodie, leggings, and a pair of socks and made my way down the stairs. As I reached the kitchen the only people there were my mom and dad. They both looked at me and mumbled a good morning, but I didn't say anything back.
When my mom didn't receive a response, she said it again and I remained silent. My mom wasn't the lovey dovey type of mom.

I know she loves me, but she is not good at expressing her emotions. I sometimes think it's unfair when she lashes out on me but then I realize I'm not her perfect daughter and I never will be. She has always wanted the picture-perfect family of smart and beautiful children, and I did not fall into either of those categories.
I saw her staring at me as I sipped my coffee. "Well, looks like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed". If she only knew the night I had.
" I need to talk to you about the wedding, you will be going on a diet so that we all look our best". I rolled my eyes this is not the first time she has tried this.

When I was younger, she took me to every pediatric specialist there was. She would always tell me what to eat and always gave me different meals than my siblings. There was never anything wrong I guess it's just how I was built, and whose genetics ahold I blame for it.
"I expect you to be up by 8:30 everyday do you hear me no more laying around and being lazy. You are to go on a walk every morning when you wake up". I gave her a tired look, then she threw her hands in the air with a sigh and stormed out of the kitchen. As soon as she left, I rested my head on the table.
My dad put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. " I know she can come off as mean but it's from a good place. She loves you and I know as fucked up as it seems, this is her way of showing it". I hummed in response not really wanting to hear it right now.

My dad got the hint and started to leave after kissing the top of my head. He stopped at the doorway and turned around. "Don't let her words get to you too much honey. I love you have a good day". He grabbed his car keys and left for work.

I stared out the window at my sisters by the pool. They all looked so beautiful and it's almost like they don't even have to try. I looked to the other side of the pool; I saw all the boys but warren looking at my sisters. They practically had drool dangling from their mouths.

"There you are I have been looking everywhere for you. How is my favorite sister doing today". I looked behind me to find Alex and Warren standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

"You shouldn't say you have favorites, even if I am yours". I said with a smile.
"So, you want me to lie"? Alex said with a smirk on his face.

Then I thought back to what my mom said to me, and I know it will be at the forefront of my mind all day. He saw the stressed look that was etched on my face, and he frowned. "What happened to you look upset?

"Oh, nothing, just something mom brought up. It's nothing" I said trying to reassure him that I was ok.

"You know whatever she said was wrong, and that she probably will forget it within an hour." He playfully waved his hand to gesture that it was no big deal.
I rolled my eyes as he walked over to me with a huge smile on his face. He placed a kiss on my forehead and wrapped his arms around me.
"You're coming outside and hanging out with all of us today". I looked at my brother as if he was crazy " I'm not going out there". He gave me a challenging stare, "no arguments get your little ass out there". I looked at warren pleading with my eyes. He looked at me with a smirk, "yeah rose I haven't seen you hardly at all the past week".
He calls me by my middle name. He said that everyone called me by my first name, and he wanted to be different.
I looked between the two, "you guys do realize that I am almost eighteen. An adult"!
Alex held up his finger, "key word being almost. So go upstairs and get a bathing suit on".
I glared at both and groaned as I stomped up the stairs.
"Adult my ass" Alex yelled up the stairs.