The Misfit

The shard of glass

Numb

No and ever tells you about the overwhelming numbness. It can be a blessing or curse. The emotional torture is rough, but I for one can say that I would take that over numbness any day. It's almost like you become a shell of yourself, no emotion nothing that makes you... well, you, is there anymore.
It can feel like it will never be there again.

Numb and coldness is all I felt while sitting on my bathroom floor with my knees tucked close to my chest. This was the only position that kept me some what warm. I just got out of the shower and the water on my body has turned cold.

I can feel the water from my hair was slowly dripping down my back, making me shiver. This is what the past hour has consisted of, me staring off and my mind blank.

There is nothing for me to do now, I'm done fighting.
I realized that there is nothing that I can do that will change the way people see me, I can't put up walls because every time they are broken down.

There is a form of security in putting on false identities for other people. Because if they don't like that version, I can at least say that it's not really me they don't like. But then after a while you get lost in the endless different versions of yourself.

I realized that no one really knows me, if they did they would see me for who I am. A broken girl who can't seem to put herself back together.

Maybe if there was someone who was able to see through the broken mess that I am, they would be able to piece me back together. But then again would anyone really want to do that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Mentions of Rape and abuse)

After a while I got up and got dressed with the comfiest clothes I could find. I could hear my mom yelling at my brother and as much as he deserves it, I don't want to hear it.

So I grab my shoes and sneak out the back door. Once I make it to my car I let out a breath of relief knowing that I wasn't Caught.

I drove to the gas station to put gas in my car and get a drink.  I was walking around trying to find myself something to snack on because I don't have a big appetite right now.  But I haven't eaten all day and I feel sick.

When I didn't find anything that I could stomach I grabbed a pack of mint gum and a sprite. When I turned down the next isle to get to the cash register I saw the one person I had hoped I would never see again.

There he was Gabe Cole, the person who raped me.

He saw me and the sickest smirk formed on his face. I dropped  everything and ran out the door.  I sprinted, I ran as fast as I could away from that monster

But As I  rounded the corner I felt a hand grab ahold my hair and rip me backwards.

"I was hoping I would see you again, and this body" he said while reaching from behind me and grabbing my breast and squeezing hard. So hard that it caused me to let out a cry.

This can't be happening not again I Can't do this again.  I struggled against his grip and I couldn't get free. I felt the panic and the dread rise in me.

My breathing quickened as he took me and slammed me against the wall. He had drug me behind the gas station and  we were surrounded by dumpsters and no one could find us, or hear my screams.

This can't be happening not again.

He took me and threw me to the ground, my vision blurred and my head pounded. He was hovering over me, but before he could do anything I kicked him hard in the gut. He stumbled back from the force. I frantically looked around for anything to defend myself, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a piece of glass. I grabbed the piece of glass that was broken and griped it tight.