Children of The Fallen

Chapter 33: we're both a little fucked up aren't we?

Chloe Whitlock

I had every intention of getting up and washing my face but I started crying again so I just sat back down on the edge of the bed. I called my father a little while ago and he confirmed everything Dane said. He did want her dead and he was working with hunters- he went to Mercer first which made me nauseous. How could he work with him of all people? Then when he died he went to another group. I didn't say much over the phone as he admitted his literal war crimes to me as casually as if I asked him how his day was going. I hung up and cried except this time not over Dane but over me being an idiot. Dane was right, centuries worth of battle strategy and I couldn't see the obvious move he was making. I guess I just didn't want to see it.

My door bursts open without a knock. Morgan enters and hurriedly comes over to hug me. "How are you?" She asks.

"I'm okay." My voice hitches making me sound incredibly convincing.

She pulls back from the hug and sits down on the edge of the bed next to me. "What do you need? Do you need to be alone? Do you need to talk?" Now she's actually looking at me and can see my very puffy and very bloodshot eyes.

I clear my throat and adjust my seating so I'm turned to face her. "I need to apologize to you."

Her brows knit together staring at me in genuine confusion. "For what?"

"I'm the reason the hunters found you all those times." I admit and the confusion doesn't leave her face. "I told my father about you, about where we were. He demanded to know why and..." The tears well once more. "This is my fault, I'm sorry Morgan. I'm so sorry." I cry.

"It's okay. Hey it's okay." She says and I look down at the bed as my tears free fall from my eyes. How could I be this stupid? He doesn't respect me as a person or as his child, he never has but every time I think: this time will be different. When his hands leave my throat or the sting of his slap fades; the marks quickly heal, almost as fast as the common sense and self respect leaves my body.

As much as I crave even the slightest bit of attention from him. I'm terrified of him. He'll be kind and charming to everyone around him but he'll switch it off in a heartbeat as soon as someone pisses him off. He's not like Lucien and everyday I'm thankful for that but that doesn't mean he's great either. It just means he's not Lucien.

They do have many things in common. They're both self serving, arrogant, narcissistic, and abusive in varying degrees. The difference is that Lucien is heartless and cold-blooded. He simply does not care.

My father cares. I've seen it. The way he interacts with my other siblings, he smiles and laughs with them. He'll ask how they are, he'll hug them, he'll visit them, spend time with them. He genuinely loves them and that's all I've ever wanted. 603 years and all I've wanted is just an ounce of what he gives to my siblings.

I think that's why I immediately had this sense of protection over Grayson after finding out he existed. We both have our existence ignored by our father.

I fucked up. I know I fucked up. I shouldn't have said anything to him. Dane's right anything he says or does to me is nothing new. I should be used to it, it shouldn't scare me as much as it still does.

"I'm alive. You're all alive we're good." Morgan says. "And... based on everything I've heard about everyone's fathers I can't imagine he just politely asked you for information."

He didn't. He screamed at me after not believing a word out of my mouth about our groups lie then choked me until I tapped out agreeing to tell him. Afterwards his pleasant personality snapped back- he thanked and commended me immensely before telling me to update him on how things were going. Said if I needed help with anything to call him. He said I was doing a good thing keeping Morgan away from Lucien. He said he was proud of me.