Children of The Fallen

Chapter 39: family

Victoria Brooks

Going to Zade and Jareth's bleeder den has been a weekly occurrence the for past two months. Jareth finally met her and Zade's gotten to ask her a million questions- each one he sounded more excited about than the last. They were both fast friends. Now they have all these inside jokes that consist of singular words that sends them giggling like two little kids. I can't even begin to decipher why the word 'tangerine' makes them laugh as hard as they do. Regardless, I'm glad she's laughing.

The first time Jareth and her met they sat and did a scotch tasting because Morgan said she wasn't a fan of scotch. Morgan said they just shared stupid stories the whole time. I still haven't told her what they are and they haven't either. I'll leave it up to them if they want to tell her.

After greeting us and having a brief conversation they'll turn their attention back to the bar or Jareth will leave to go get shitfaced in a foreign country for days on end.

In the Silent Room Morgan and I get to shit talk Lucien and Jacob, sometimes we'll just sit, drink, and feed while listening to music- no talking just enjoying. She'll let me talk about Dane. His absence, probable death, and possible torture has been weighing heavy on me lately. I spent the last two years getting used to the idea that he would be gone once this all went down but it's all hitting me now that it's actually happened. I won't ever have a chance to explain myself to him, Lucien would never allow me to see him. He'll die thinking I just simply betrayed him. He'll die probably hating me and that has been hurting more than I let on, I just refuse to confront it. Why would I ever healthily confront my emotions? So when we're here I'll just talk about him, the happy and good moments we had together. Communicating my thoughts and emotions with her has gotten easier, I don't feel like dry heaving anymore .

She looks forward to it every week because it's the one time she can just be her. I look forward to it for the same reasons. While we're in the palace I have to force her to do things she doesn't want to do and she has to pretend to stop fighting me on it. I back handed her the other day because she wouldn't participate in torture- God I'm awful- but I only did it because Jacob was right in front of us. I spent the next time we were here profusely apologizing to her.

I'm finding it to be a bit hard to live with myself but to save her from the fate of being at Lucien's mercy I'll persevere. As much as Pierce says he supports me, knowing why I'm doing this, I can't help but wonder if some part of him is disgusted by my actions and words towards my own flesh and blood. I know I am.

I recently started teaching her how to use her ability to control minds. That she picked up easily- still a little iffy with it but she's almost there. "Are we gonna talk? What's up?" I ask putting my drink down as she detaches herself from the bleeders throat.

She turns around and wipes what blood remains from her lips with a napkin on the end table. "I needed a night to not pretend again. I hate what I'm doing, I hate what you're doing. I hate all of this." She says as she slumps back down onto the couch.

"As do I." I state. She starts rubbing her forearm. "Is there something else bothering you?"

She nervously looks over at me then reaches for her drink sitting on the coffee table in front of us. She takes a quick sip to prep herself to speak. "Earlier today- I know it's the point of all of this and I mean Jacob was right in front of me but... I killed that woman way too easily for my liking." She looks off in disgust with herself. "This." She motions to the general room we're in. "This is fine. I like this. I feel normal here but back there..." She trails off taking a drink. "I hate it- being what I am and I don't want to hate it but every time I kill someone." She lowers her head blinking rapidly to force back tears. "The part of me that likes it feels bigger and bigger. I don't want to be a monster but that's what I feel like."