Burning Heart // CL16

Eighteen

The next time I was back in the garage after Monaco was Azerbaijan, two weeks later - rejecting the offer from Mattia for me to take a break as initially planned - too excited to see Charles again to take the break. We messaged almost constantly and Kiraz was always amused to be around me, saying it was obvious when we were talking because of the smile on my face. We never spoke about much and never anything deep, I kept an eye on social media - ready to see the notice that they had broken up any day but felt my heart drop each day that passed and it never came.

Kiraz suggested that perhaps they wouldn't announce it per se but did tell me repeatedly that I should ask him, to make sure that he had followed through like he had promised me he would when I left his room that day in Monaco. I didn't, I couldn't. Every time I was about to ask on the phone, the question died on my lips because I was terrified of the answer. I was terrified to ruin the moment and I was so worried he'd tell me that he hadn't followed through and I would be right back where I had promised myself I wouldn't be.

Saturday in Azerbaijan came around and I tried to keep my calm, telling myself to bring down my expectations but I couldn't help the smile that covered my face as I walked down the paddock hand-in-hand with Kiraz. I had an extra spring in my step because despite the early night that Charles was meant to have last night, I'd somehow found myself still talking to him at three am. We were stopped a couple of times by people for photos but today I didn't mind that, although I was impatient to make it to the garage and didn't hang around for small talk like I normally would.

"Hi Arthur, how are you?" I ask as I notice the F2 driver leaving the garage where we are just about to enter and he smiles, instantly pulling me into a hug once more which still threw me off my game as I pull back and smile. I was in a neutral co-ord, tan bandeau and matching linen trousers due to the heat currently hitting the ground in the city.

"Lacey! Good to see you," he says genuinely and I quickly introduce him to Kiraz before he smiles apologetically at the pair of us. "I'd love to stay and talk, however, I need to go and get ready for the race - good luck in there," he says raising his eyebrows with the final statement. The meaning and look on his face told me everything I needed to know and I smiled and waved as he walked off, knowing he did not realise he'd caused my heart to break with those words. I don't let the smile on my face fall though as I wave him goodbye but when my eyes meet Kiraz she can see the dread that filled my once happy and bright eyes.

"We don't have to..." she says quietly but I shake my head.

"We do...I-he, if he needs... Fuck," I say, losing all words to comprehend what I was trying to say and she just nods understandingly, my cheeks flushing with anger as my mind raced through all our messages and phone calls over the last two weeks. Sure, I hadn't asked...but there were no signs that he was still with her...I let out a shaky breath, trying to ignore the hurt begin to fill my chest as the dread builds. "I-I need to see it," I mutter before determinedly opening the door like there's no big deal - but the iron grip I have on her hand betrays any cool my face might portray.

The smile on my face is fake but at least I have my Ray Bans to cover my eyes as we step into the garage, the rest of my outfit helping to set me apart from the Ferrari staff and making it so that people notice us when we enter - Kiraz wearing my outfit but in black to offset as well. I see Charles the moment we enter and I know his head snaps to me a moment later with what I'm comfortable assuming is guilt filled eyes but I don't let myself look for long enough to truly evaluate. Instead my eyes travelling further left and ignoring him as he walks towards us, leaving the conversation he was in the middle of without a second thought. The whole scene playing out in slow motion. I don't let myself stop like I want to as I see her on his side of the garage, blissfully unaware of the pain that her presence is causing me, instead I continue in my step and walk away from Charles as he approaches, instead moving quickly towards Isa and Carlos without so much as a second look towards them.