Burning Heart // CL16

Forty Five

1st February 2024, Edinburgh

"So... this is it," I tell him with a smile as we travel up the driveway towards the house, Ruby and Charles sat in the back seat and I immediately smile upon seeing my mum and Kiraz stood in the doorway. "Home," I say as I stop the car and turn around in my seat, to look at Charles who was sat next to Ruby, smiling when I see him look outside the car window in amazement, a real smile on his face.

Things had been a little better the last couple of days but it was all still really crazy and even if we were fine one second, it didn't take much for someone to say or do something that pissed the other off and we would fall back into silence. I think that although we'd both gotten a little off our chest the other day, there was a lot of heavy emotions and rich anger between us and none of it was easy to work through despite our best efforts. So it was still more bad than good at the moment but I was feeling really good about this trip, ready for the reset.

"It's really nice," he admits as he looks back at me and I find my chest swelling with pride a little as I undo my seatbelt and hop out the car, coming around to help him get Ruby out in her baby seat and walking up to the door to see my mum and Kiraz walking towards us already.

"Hi!" I say, practically singing the 'i' as I hug Kiraz with one hand and then repeat the action with my mum before they take her out my arms. "Ah, I've missed you so much!" I whisper to my mum and she just smiles at me as I look behind me to see that Charles isn't just standing in the middle of nowhere but is now entertaining Dylan who has seemingly followed them out the front door. Bypassing me and going straight to him... not cool.

"I've missed you too darling, how is the little one?" She asks and I lift up the car seat to show her Bee fast asleep. "Angel as always?"

"No actually... but she was good today so we take it! There's been a lot going on at the moment so I think she's entitled to a few extra tantrums," I tell her and my mum smiles back knowingly at me and nods in agreement.

"And you?" She says, ushering me into my own home and I shrug, watching as Kiraz approaches Charles to talk to, both looking awkward and knowing instantly that it isn't a conversation I want to be a part of.

"I've been a lot worse than I am right now, it's good to be back here," I tell her honestly and she grimaces. "It just isn't home and I resented him for forcing me but we talked the other day... we will try and work it out. It does make sense as he spends a lot of time in Europe between races and either in Monaco or Maranello... plus it means his family can come and see and meet Ruby more - not that I've seen much of them yet. But it's just hard, especially the three of us under one roof... He deserves what time he has before the F1 season begins," I tell her before bringing my voice down to a hushed whisper. "Honestly, I'm hoping that when he's away travelling we'll be right back here. Just the two of us," I concede and she looks at me proudly for my maturity, something I'm relieved about as well to be honest.

"Well, we've done a lot of packing - you really didn't take much and I know you don't want it to be empty here but there shouldn't be much left for you to do - just choose what photos need to stay and which ones need to go and yeah... if you under pack on clothes that just gives you an excuse to go shopping," she reminds me with a grin. "I'll be coming to visit you soon right?"

"Yes, whenever you want! To be honest I still need to go shopping... half of these clothes still don't fit right..." I mumble kicking one of the boxes lightly with my foot as thought was offending me personally which it kind of did whenever I was trying to get dressed for the day and nothing sat right in my body, not the way it used to. I was in decent enough shape but I think it's normal for a mum to be self conscious, that's why I still wore baggy clothes whenever possible. I didn't really want anyone to be able to see me, see how far I still had to go. The frustrating by-product of being a mum though, especially with a c-section scar on my stomach. "Hell, I'll buy you a place in Monaco mum, more than happy to do so!" I tell her as I pull myself back out of my own head with wide eyes as she smirks. "Charles still has his old apartment which he said something about having for people to stay... as well as our one which still has two spare bedrooms, so yeah, we have so much space," I assure her and she nods, happy with the information as I walk Bee back towards her old room, smiling at how everything was the same. I consider trying to gently lift her out of the car seat but ultimately leave her be. Setting her down on the floor near the cot as I walk out the door with my mum.