Burning Heart // CL16

Fifty One

Alessia's POV
29th February 2024, Bahrain

It wasn't working. It really, really wasn't working.

I hadn't left the suite once since we arrived - my choice largely but Charles was gone far longer than his little notebook suggested. Just like I knew he would be and it meant I had no time for myself to breathe really. The first day he was at the track, he got back in that evening so late and in the process woke Ruby up as we had set the travel cot up in the living room, per his request. I was already in bed because it was 1:30 am when I heard her cry and walked confused to the door of my room to see Charles looking at me panicked - still wearing his suit from when he had stopped by earlier in the day which was now very crumpled compared to when he left. I couldn't help the disappointment flood my chest as I got closer to him, close enough to smell him, not getting the familiar addictive and comforting scent of his aftershave and instead smelling a brewery seeping from his pores.

He was drunk.

Or at the very least tipsy - to be expected given that he had been at a sponsor dinner - one of eight planned over the next two weeks if I remembered correctly. So I spent the next hour trying to settle Ruby while also calming a drunk and apologetic Charles, the second of the two was something I really didn't want to be doing but I kept my cool and told him it was okay. Eventually I got him to go to his room across the suite from me as I worked for a further thirty minutes to get Ruby back to sleep.

The apology the next morning had been pretty good but it wasn't enough. Charles walked into my room with Ruby on his hip and a coffee in his hand as he sat on the edge of my bed.

"I'm so sorry... it won't happen again," he says and I chew on the inside of my lip having already figured out a way to make that true as I nod and accept the coffee, sitting up and leaning against the backboard, keeping a smile soft on my face as I look at Ruby to distract myself, my heart hammering in my chest as I got anxious over the words running through my mind.

"I know it won't because I'm going to bring the cot in here," I tell him and watch his face fall.

"No, Alessia, please. I want to help," he begs and I just shake my head as my face  becomes emotionless and I reach out to sadly tap Ruby's nose as she just giggles - totally unaware of the tension in the room as Charles looks at me heartbroken. I didn't want to be the bad guy... why was I always the bad guy?

"I know you do but that is doing more harm than good. So the same way that coming out here was not a conversation, neither is this. I'm the one looking after her during the day by myself, I need her to be sleeping at night," I say, ignoring the guilt and disappointment covering his face as he sighs and just looks away from me and looks at Ruby, nodding as I let out a sigh of relief. I was surprised with how strong my words had come out. I didn't feel strong right now.

I never did around Charles.

So after that, I'd done just that. Ruby stayed in my room and until last night it was working better than I could have hoped. Both of us had been sleeping through the night. Well, Ruby did, I found myself unable to sleep until I heard Charles re-enter the room. Sometimes loudly, sometimes quietly and each time I was making a mental note of when it was. Always after midnight.

There was a ritual that began when Charles came into my room the following morning, early as Ruby would normally wake and he took her out before she could fuss. He did it so quietly that I didn't hear him, so quietly I didn't even wake although I guess I was exhausted. I actually had no idea how he wasn't. That began the cycle of the last couple of days when he would drop her off with me in bed again just as he was leaving, each time offering for us to join him, pointing out the paddock passes that were on the side of the kitchen. Half as a plea but usually as defeated words before walking out of my room and then the suite - just leaving us alone once more.