A Man Has Horns // Sebastian Sallow

Chapter 59 - Unbecoming Women

I was rushing down the spire steps, listening closely whether I would be accompanied by another pair. But as another round of stairs ended and I turned once again to walk across the foyer, there was only my own. He did not follow me and I couldn't understand whether I had hoped he had.

I hadn't said I loved him. I implied. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure what I felt. 

What I said was the only truth.

I was much more involved in this than he was. 

I placed my hand gingerly over the coat pocket, feeling the outline of the picture frame. It was treasure but it did not give me solace. I did not feel comfort with the presence of my parents, I only felt swimming questions. 

I shook my wrist as I had felt the still foreign weight the small bracelet around my hand. The sudden branding and how he had assured an omnipresence of him around me made me queasy. I lifted my wrist to eye level and looked at the clasp but couldn't bring myself to take it off yet. 

I was now almost at the Grand Staircase and understood that it must have been just past curfew. No students but no patrols yet either. I walked and thought about this year. The first term was almost over. I hated the repetitive nature of everyday. 

I cringed from the thought of what I would do after Hogwarts. Sebastian made me exasperated and exhausted but would have I even known how to exist in a world without the perpetual feeling of panic and danger? The thought was morbid and frankly too indicative of my own less-than-savory nature. 

I turned and finally found myself at the Library Annex as Imelda and Grace walked out of the door. 

I halted, bitting my cheek. 

I had avoided her the whole day and I knew she had wanted to spend the day celebrating my birthday. She had said as much the weeks leading to today. It had honestly at one point of the day escaped me. 

"I'll see you later Grace," she looked straight at me, her Irish accent more pronounced which I knew only meant she was irritated already. 

"Right," Grace answered curiously looking at both of us, but not too interested to try to butt in.

Grace went to the Floo powder station and disappeared momentarily in a green swirl, only for Imelda to coldly shake her head at me.

"I am trying... very hard to be ok with your behaviour because it is your birthday," she said a few feet away, "Was your brithday."

"I am sorry," I took a few steps towards her, feeling the reluctance my body gave from the overwhelming feeling of guilt.  

I disappeared constantly. That cannot be a good feeling. Well Christ, when Sebastian does it, I find myself deeply hurt. It must have not been too dissimilar of a feeling when I chose to do so. A similar pain would have been felt. 

Her gaze was unwavering at me as she was looking all over my face for a single answer or explanation for anything and everything. 

"Me and Sebastian met last night," I started. 

I had to say something. 

"I had to help with something but I can't tell you," I said feeling the increased weight of another wave of guilt. "I'm sorry for disappearing constantly."

"You can't explain why you had been gone the whole night and morning?" she bit the side of her cheek to compose herself.

"It's not my story to tell."

"Godric's Heart, Lilith there are two participants in the story. It's your story equally as much as it is Sallow's," she rolled her eyes in disbelief.