Don't Let Them Catch You

31• Hello Again

In that moment, as her bare feet scraped against the wet ground, crushing all kinds of different things she wasn't prepared to think about, Aura felt as though an external force was controlling her body.

Her mind had separated, she was watching from a disembodied point of view. It was during this calm that her thoughts veered, and it dawned on her, not for the first time, that all the years Aura had spent in this world there was one recurring theme constantly badgering itself into the forefront of her mind lest she ever forget.

Any form of love is a weakness. Whether platonic or otherwise. To care enough about a comrade to disregard orders and risk your lives, to get lazy and content in someone's arms, to forget your primary focus because of one person— many have been punished for less.

There was a reason rules were set in place.

A very good damned reason.

Maybe if she had remembered this that thing wouldn't have been able to take advantage of her so easily. Yet here she was again, willing to let her emotions take the reins.

If Markus could see her now he'd have steam coming out of his ears.

A leader needs to know his soldiers are loyal to him, his cause and not each other. That they will listen and can be trusted not to veer off course. That they won't be overwhelmed by grief if another falls, sinking into a bottomless depression or turning into manic creatures without a sliver of sense.

Because that's the cost of love.

Nothing is free in this life.

The balance of the universe demands payment and boy did the alpha make a habit of drilling this into her head daily.

A boy will lose his pet. A crone will lose her husband. A daughter will lose her father. You can lose your mind.

She'd be lying if she said she didn't feel it slipping away bit by bit every day.

But right now, she was acutely aware of the fact that she couldn't deny that a part of her felt violated. She clung so helplessly to the hope that that was him when it wouldn't have even made sense. His captors wouldn't have allowed him to roam so freely. She abandoned all common sense and that creature took advantage of her for it.

It was almost torture at this point, dangling something she desperately wanted in her face like that, only for it to not be real.

Soulless white orbs flashed in her mind like an intrusive thought.

Her ears burned and her eyes stung with tears.

Markus would have wanted Aura to go straight to the merfolk. He wouldn't have wanted any detours. He wouldn't have allowed any.

If he knew she was risking her life like this...

... She didn't care.

Because passed the whispery strands of light that cut through the canopy and exposed moss and bark and green? All she could see were those fucking eyes.

The same eyes that watched her as they took her soulmate. The same eyes that revelled in the massacre of her family.

In that moment Aura was confronted with the fact that she had spent many years pushing the subject of what happened to her home, locked in a tight little room in her mind. She would watch the skies and dive into the ocean for darkness, she would burn through to her last sweat and tears during her training. Her mind was constantly occupied with the encyclopaedia's, the journals and history books Markus provided. Aura would never allow herself too much time too stop and let herself remember. Not the details.