Rockstar Serenade: The Chorus

Ch 42: Blue Moon Nightmares

A/N: This is it for the last chapter. Cross your fingers! I can't believe I've finally done it!!!

KAILEY~

I pace around the living room nervously. Oliver’s been out for the past few hours, but being worried about him or wondering where he’s gone to is not the reason I’m being queasy. Apparently that guy has done something morally wrong and I’m so mad at him. I mean, why would Trevor flood me with texts like these?

KAILEY, WE NEED TO TALK. -Trevor

Kailey, return my goddamn calls! -Trevor

Look, Kailey, I know there are still things we need to talk about and things we need to fix but please please please don’t make me suffer like this. You’ve given me much heartache. -Trevor

Darling please pick up :( -Trevor

Please tell me the photo’s a hoax, a fake, a wisely photoshopped picture! PLEASE. You wouldn't do this to me, would you? -Trevor

Do I fuckin’ deserve this?!?! -Trevor

Kailey, don’t tell me it’s over. Don’t tell me you’re making out with another guy. You’re mad at me but you don’t have to do such a thing! We can still fix things! Please don’t ignore my calls. -Trevor

How could you do this to me? -Trevor

And I believe this text explains it all:

Kailey, what the hell is this photo of you and Oliver?! PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS NOT WHAT I THINK IT IS! -Trevor

He has an attached photo along with this text. My blood heats up the moment I laid my eyes on the picture. It was taken on the couch. I remember that time clearly—the one when I started crying when Trevor denied me on TV, and Oliver, uhm well, he did his thing, and I gave in.

Oliver. Oliver took the photo. I could see his arm outstretched towards the lens. I never noticed him doing this back then. I was too hurt with Trevor’s denial, and too damp with misery, and too depressed to function.

I’m angry at Oliver, but I’m angrier at myself. Hell, I’m unforgivable! I sit down glumly on the couch with my head down in my hand, ashamed and disgusted. What have I done? Oli’s being too strangely attached to me after that ‘something’ and it’s like I just given him false hopes, and then there’s Trevor going berserk over a photo of me screwing up. I pull my hair so hard like a lunatic. This isn’t supposed to happen! None of these would’ve happened if I just came to my senses, but all along I had been helplessly delirious. I feel so worthless.

What do I do? How do I fix things? There is so much I want to change, but since I know it’s impossible, I could only wail in frustration. My head hurt; I couldn’t think straight anymore. The demons in my head are taking over me, injecting their venoms to my sanity and rooting themselves to my conscience.

I’m so fucked up I’m so fucked up I’m so fucked up I’m so fucked up I’m so fucked up no one would want me now I hate myself I’m such a disgrace I’d rather be dead.

I give a devilish grin at an idea. Dead Kailey, it is.

Just then my world becomes pitch black, a seemingly ideal paragon of how dark and uncertain my life is. I don’t know how to get out of this shitty life, and away from all of my mistakes that piled up waiting to suffocate me with guilt. I couldn’t atone for my faults. I am nobody but a harbinger of pain. Messing up, fucking up, that’s what I do best. I really don’t want to hurt people, but I do. Maybe if I erase myself from this word the world would get better. Mom and dad wouldn’t mourn for me anyway. Oliver and Trevor? Either I live or die, I will hurt them. I will never do anything right.