Love At War - Book 2 of Secrets Within

If I Lose Myself

One. Two. Three. Four. Ten. Twenty...

Louis' attempt to count the amount of shots that he drunk went out the window after that, as the club spun wildly around him. All he wanted to do was just forget for one night. Forget the arguments. Forget the media. Forgot the rules. Forgot everything.

The shots kept coming, and no one bothered him or stopped him, as he slipped further and further into incoherent drunkness, unable to even sit up straight at the bar, and a shaking incontrollable mess without a full shot glass in his hand. He just kept drinking, but nothing could remove the nagging feeling in his head that he was missing something, that one thing that could push him over the edge, into a place where everything was bliss and stressfree, even for just a split second.

The other boys were around the club somewhere, but after Louis' recent actions, no one could really blame them for wanting to stay away from him tonight, the one night they were "together", on their end of tour party. They knew that it wasn't fully his fault, but he didn't do anything to help the fact, , and now they were at the point of taking sides, and no one was on his.

Ever since Harry caught him with Cassie in the hotel room, things had gone from bad to worse. Eleanor revealed to Harry that Louis had been lying to him the whole time, not just the last few times, about who he had been with, and Harry lost all trust in him. The boys were a little more sympathetic, after listening to Paul's recounts of the night, but they couldn't forgive Louis for it, after Harry had gone to give him another chance despite everything.

Ever since that night, Harry had sunk futher and further into a state of depression inside, yet remained whole for the public. Nick had become a regular member of the group, trying to cheer Harry up when he pushed everyone else away, even though his contract ended when management found out Louis and Harry had broken up. Harry drunk heavily, was constantly angry, and it was almost like he had reverted into a worse version of himself than before he and Louis got together. He was always sneeking out to club when the boys were asleep, drinking the night away at the bar until Nick came and dragged him back, in every city they stopped in.

Louis was on a seperate tour bus to them, as per the boys request, after the first time he had joined them after, Harry disappeared for 5 hours to avoid him, going it alone on the streets of Milan on his own without a phone. It was the only night the boys saw Louis so upset, when he thought he had caused Harry to run away, and for once, they worked together and looked after him, despite being so annoyed with him. Harry eventually returned, hung off of Ed Sheeran's arm, who had seen him outside his hotel, and pulled him inside before the public saw him. Harry immediatly flung himself into Niall's arms and sobbed, not noting Louis' presence, and he told Niall out loud that he wished that he and Louis had never got together, because he couldn't live around him, but in his heart he couldn't live without him. Louis booked himself into Ed's hotel for the night, and that was the last night they spent together, until tonight.

Eventually, after around 40-50 shots, Louis finally registered the need to use the bathroom. He surprised himself when he found he was able to stand up, not aware of the fact that the bar tender had been filling his glass with water for the last 15-20 shots after realising that he had no idea what he was doing, and Louis blindly made his way over to the toilets, ironically situated behind the strippers, where Liam and Niall were sat, whilst Zayn drunkenly swung around on a pole with the girls, making everyone laugh, and probably mentally thanking the owner in advance for the no media rule.

As he stumbled through the door, the cold air from the fan knocked a bit of sense into him, enough to let him find the urinals and use them properly, instead of doing what Harry did last time they went clubbing and completely miss, an experience no one wanted to re-live, although it was rather funny at the time. When he finished, he adjusted himself, before going over to the sinks to wash his hands and do his hair again, when a flush from behind him startled him, and he fell into the wall, water from the top going all down his top, making it pratically see-through.