Love At War - Book 2 of Secrets Within

Half A Heart - Part 2

And being here without you is like I'm waking up to

Only half a blue sky

Kinda there but not quite

I'm walking around with just one shoe

I'm half a heart without you

I'm half a man at best,

With half an arrow in my chest

I miss everything we do,

I'm half a heart without you

If the night was hard hitting, then the morning hit harder for the boys.

Harry woke up, and opened his eyes, expecting to see Louis there asleep, before the events of the previous night came flooding back to him. He began sobbing loudly again, before doing what Louis did the night before and got angry, punching the wall with all his strength and cutting all knuckles, before he then proceeded to punch many other walls to make it worse, in a hope to replace his emotional pain with physical pain, which could be repaired easily.

After about 10 minutes, Liam eventually barged his way into the room and took care of him. At first, Harry fought him, pushing, punching, kicking him in anger, before eventually he gave up, instead collasping into his arms and sobbing his heart out again, his heart wrenching sobs causing Liam to feel bad for him as he gently rocked the younger boy in his arms. The other 2 joined after a while, and between them they managed to calm him down enough to get ready for the day ahead.

Over in the other hotel, Louis wasn't fairing much better. He was used to waking up wrapped in Harry's arms, warm and cosy, Harry's iron tight grip on him making him feel safe and secure in his arms. Instead, he woke up to an empty bed, still hugging the pillow tightly to his chest, and the chill cold air swept through the room, as the memories replanted themsleves at the forefront of Louis' mind.

At first, he tried to cope, getting out of bed and going for a shower, turning the water onto scolding hot, trying to forget and also punish himself. When he stepped in, the water burnt his skin like a hot iron, and every sting of pain hit harder than the last. In the first 5 minutes, Louis took it, standing there under the unforgiving spray, beating his body, telling himself that every scolding drop was a punishment for something he had done wrong, the lies, the cheating, the hurt he had caused.

Eventually, he couldn't stand the heat anymore, and turned it back down. His skin was red raw, and the now cooler spray hissed as it touched his sore skin, causing Louis more pain. He then remebered that, in order to actually have a shower, he needed the toliteries. He had been so used to walking in and for them all to be laid out in order, as per Harry's usual set up routine, but as he wasn't here, Louis forced himself out of the spray and walked back into the bedroom, rumaging through all the suitcases for the things he needed.

But the upset wasn't over yet. When Louis eventually found what he needed, he realised he had another problem. In his rush to pack the night before, he had accidently picked up Harry's stuff instead of his own. He had Harry's frizz-ease shampoo and conditioner, Harry's herbal tea scented shower gel, Harry's strawberry scented shaving foam, Harry's teeth-whitening toothpaste.

How had he managed to do that?

Well, because when they were rooming together, it was just a lot ended up being Harry's stuff that Louis took in his haze. Harry had another full set, and Louis also had a set of his own, but they were all packed in Harry's bag, as per usual.

Louis looked at them, long and hard, before the tears began to fall. Furiously, he wiped them away, instead grabbing the items and heading for the bathroom, determined that he wasn't going to let it stop him from getting done. He put the items where they were meant to be in the small room, before stepping back into the shower, and began to wash himself properly.

His skin still stung from the beating it took earlier, but he was determined, as he rinsed her hair before reaching down to grab the shampoo. He squeezed a dollop onto his hand, watching as the creamy, shiny white liquid ran over his fingers, before moving it to massage into his long hair. When doing this, he was reminded of all the times Harry had done this for him, gently massaging his scalp and running his fingers through his wet, silky hair, easing the tension and taking away the stress. He started to feel the phantom movements, closing his eyes, and pretending that Harry was there, pressed up against his back, making sure the shampoo covered every last stand of hair evenly, between small kisses to his neck.

Then, came washing off the shampoo. Louis removed his hands and stepped fully under the spray, letting the foamy casade of water and shampoo run down his face and back as the shampoo left his hair. Again, he thought of Harry, imagining him stood behind him, making sure it was all off, while pressed up against him, drawing lines on his back when the foam ran down it.

Then, came the conditioner, and the shower gel. Usually, Louis would put the conditioner on, whilst Harry lathered up his body with shower gel, always making sure that every nook and crany was washed, and as expected, the time in the shower wasn't all spent actually getting washed. Instead, he had to do it all himself. To calm his nerves, he imagined it. Harry's nails scrapping down his back, his hands gently carressing him in every unspeakable way. His lips kissing him, nipping him, biting him, marking him, making sure that he left his mark on him to show him how much he loved him.

As he remembered, the water masked his floods of tears, the realisation that he had thrown it all away and that he may never get that back again hitting him hard, like a lorry at full speed. As he washed the substances from him, the familiar smell of herbal tea filled the room and invaded his senses, and that was the last straw of hope. Louis collasped against the back wall of the shower and slid down it, sitting on the floor of the shower and sobbing again, unable to come to terms with it all. He needed Harry, more than he needed life itself, and he had been so stupid and careless, that he may have just lost him for good, and that killed Louis inside.

And that was how Paul found him an hour later, after getting worried from hearing the shower run for over an hour, assuming that something bad had happened. Gently, he knocked off the now freezing cold spray, and pulled the sobbing boy up, wrapping him in a towel and placing him on the bed. Louis' body was freezing cold from the water, and he quickly turned the heating to max, before rummaging through his bag to find the hair dryer, which again was Harry's, which made Paul chuckle lightly at how much they shared. He turned it on, slowly passing it over Louis' towel covered body, to try and warm him up, but Louis stayed deadly still, unwilling to move or help.

When Paul finally gave up trying with him, Louis' hair was dry, his body and the towel were dry and warm, and Paul had set him an alarm for the time he needed to go for breakfast.

"Louis, come on please. We have to be at the studio by 9, we are leaving at half 8 to pick the others up. Your alarm will go off at 8, I recommend you grab something to eat before we leave. I know you are upset, but you can't just give up. Besides, you two have to spent the whole of today in a recording studio together, so I suggest you make yourself look presentable."

Paul put a hand on Louis' shoulder comfortingly, before leaving the room, hoping and praying the Louis would survive and get ready. When Paul left, Louis pulled himself together and got done quickly. He shaved, and brushed his teeth, fighting the urge to let the all too familiar distinct smell of the shaving foam get to him like the shower gel had done. He pulled out a simple outfit, a stripped T-shirt and red chinos, to go with a new pair of Toms. He knew that today was going to be hard, but he also knew he had to pull himself together at some point, if he had any chance of surviving it. By the time his alarm rang, he was already down at breakfast, and when 8:30 came around, he shocked Paul by already being in the car. Next stop - seeing Harry again.