Love At War - Book 2 of Secrets Within

Help Me

TRIGGER WARNING - mentions of self-harm and blood - chapter can be fully skipped as summary is given at the end of this chapter and repeated at start of next chapter.

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Drip. Drip. Drip. The drops of blood fell from his wrist in a deep red river, splashing the crystal white skin and staining it in a crimson pattern. This time it had been accidental, however this was not the first time.

It had started the night of the phone call from Sophia, when he punched the hotel bathroom mirror. Although Harry had barged in shortly afterwards and bandaged him up, the wave of relief he felt at first after doing it shocked and intrigued him, however he initially put it down to having a release for the anger and stress

At first, he would take himself down to the gym when Liam was out with Sophia, to get the tension away that way, but then one night, when he was shaving whilst waiting for Liam to return, he caught himself again, and felt the familiar feeling once more. Shakily, he had then slid the blade lightly across the smooth skin of his arm, the coolness of the blade giving him goosebumps, but without marking the skin. After a few more gentle strips, he decided that his arm was too obvious, and he slid down his jeans and boxers, placing the blade above the skin of his right thigh, high enough that his boxers would cover it, but low enough that he couldn't slip and catch anywhere too sensitive.

The first split hurt hard, and he nearly screamed in agony, as the liquid poured from the tiny gash, down his leg and onto the tiled floor. Hastily, he grabbed toilet paper to cover the gash, and the bleeding subsided, and after grabbing a plaster from the first aid bag, he cleaned up and washed away any evidence, before flushing the toilet and moving over to the bed. He checked his phone for the time, the picture of him and Liam lighting up the screen, and the tears began to flow again, however a knock of the door a few minutes later signalled Liam's arrival, and the cut was forgotten about.

However, when Liam had to disappear the next morning, and he was left locked in a hotel room for 4 hours again alone with his thoughts, the other 3 boys still happily wrapped up in bed in their couples, he remembered the cut again, and despite his previous attempt going wrong and having no effect, he decided to try again, slicing slightly under the previous cut. The blood began to flow again, but this time, there was less pain than before, and some of the stress and the tension left him as if it was in his blood, and after the bleeding stopped, Zayn felt much better, as he wrapped up his leg and cleaned up, before ordering breakfast.

Since then, it had been a regular thing. At first, he kept it to a minimum, only doing it when Liam was out for hours on end, or when the couples were being particularly close around him when Liam wasn't there, only ever one cut at a time, one or 2 times a week. But soon, one cut became 2 or 3 cuts, and once a week became 3-4 times. Harry and Louis were so wrapped up in their problems that they didn't notice when he snuck away, and with he and Liam not sharing a bed most night, the cuts were healed for when they did, and the passion between them meant that Liam didn't pay much attention, thinking that it was caused by his jeans or something with their regularity.

However tonight, he had gone too far. His annoyance at Liam and management and the rules was too much for him to handle, and having noticed it earlier before the interview, he had grabbed a razor from Lou's makeup bag and headed for the bathrooms. He had stopped at the mirrors trying to calm himself down and instead getting more angry, and in annoyance, he had slammed his hand down on the counter still holding the razor, the safety over the blade had broken and the ridge had caught his wrist, causing a searing pain to flow through him.

He panicked, knowing that he didn't actually mean to do it, and that there was no way of covering it up like he had been on his thighs, and he had slammed on the water, coating his bloody wrist in a cascade of freezing water, which numbed the pain. But, the blood didn't stop, and he began to feel dizzy, as he dropped the razor into the skin and his wrist went numb. His wrist kept bleeding and he began to feel weightless.

Realising he wouldn't be able to leave the bathroom without help, he grabbed his phone from his pocket with his uninjured hand and opened his texts to Louis, knowing he was the most likely one to listen and understand. He managed to send him the message for help as he continued to feel more and more faint, and just as he pressed send, he collapsed against the counter, and slid down to the floor, and then lost consciousness....

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SUMMARY if chapter skipped - it was revealed Zayn has been self-harming for a while, he accidentally did again but was unable to stop the bleeding and texted Louis for help before losing consciousness