Camila/You Imagines

la douleur exquise pt. 3 (Girl x Girl)

Camila's POV

"She said she loved me." I mumbled to myself sitting in my room as usual.

"Fuck." I sniffled and I shook my head.

"I can't do it." I spoke to myself again as my thoughts went a mile per second.

I thought I could just get over Lauren but how could I get over someone who I never had? It was just this big game and I hated what I was doing to Y/N. She was too pure for this world and Goddamn I was fucking with her head. I wasn't intentionally but I felt so horrible since it was actually like that.

She cared for me like no other and yes, I may have liked her but I didn't love her. I knew that I didn't and I knew that I could but not now. Y/N didn't deserve this and neither did I. I said I didn't wanna kill myself over Lauren but I now was killing myself hiding everything from the both of them. I loved them both but in different ways. My brain was gonna explode because I knew I couldn't have both.

I craved for Lauren but it would only make sense to stay with Y/N because she actually loved me. I just wished Lauren had Y/N's actions and love. I wish Lauren would just fucking care for me like Y/N did. Everything would be so much better.

I stood up looking out the window seeing it already dark outside and wandered out of my room. I heard the Spanish soap opera playing downstairs and I nodded. I knew my parents wouldn't be off that couch till their marathon was over. So I sneaked back into my room and snuck out my window so I could go break an amazing heart.

I knew this wasn't me and I knew I was doing Y/N wrong, I cared for her too much to keep this going. I thought I could continue our relationship but apparently I thought wrong. I sighed walking away from my house and down the street since I still didn't know how to ride a bike. It was still a bit of an insecurity of mine but who cares? I could enjoy the awful burning of my legs in a minute.

But after about fifteen minutes of walking I made my way behind Y/N's house. I entered her back door like I usually did and snuck upstairs. She only lived with her dad and he was always knocked out by eight thirty. I slipped into her room and I smiled lightly when I saw about four textbooks sprawled out.

She jumped when the door shut and she brought her hand to her heart.

"Oh fuck, babe." She gasped and I smiled to myself before letting it slowly fade.

I can't hold back any longer I just hoped she wouldn't be so pissed that she'd leave me. As a friend. So she shuffled all of her homework together and slipped it into her textbook. She pushed them off and patted her bed with a cute smile causing me to nervously fiddle with my sweater ends. I sat on her bed as my heart hammered against my chest while my nerves flared.

I felt her start to move and I felt her lips land against my shoulder comfortingly. At that I had a second thought of everything I was gonna tell her. But I knew I couldn't. I sighed and turned my head to give her a soft kiss knowing it would be my last kiss from her. I turned my head and kissed her deeply as I felt super light and happy. But I pulled away when she started to fiddle with my sweater and slide her fingers across my exposed skin.

"Y/NN.." I warned and she looked at me softly while her breath hit my lips.

"I didn't come here for that." I mumbled and she tasted my chapstick on her lips as she leaned back.

"It's okay.. you good?" She whispered as her puppy eyes stared at me.

I subconsciously raised my hands and cradled her head as I cherished the time we had together. I didn't regret her but I knew I could've been with her on different terms. I felt my nose burn and I sniffed causing her to grow more concerned.