Camila/You Imagines

Lost Thoughts (Boy x Girl)

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️ : This imagine will contain suicidal thoughts and actions.
But it does have a nice twist to it.

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Not good enough, not good enough, not good enough.

I pushed faster my lungs squeezed and hammered against my rib cage. I shook my head as the thoughts came in waves and waves, never ending crashing waves. Hopping over a fallen tree branch from it being frozen due to the past blizzard. Everything burning inside. I couldn't breathe but I didn't- I couldn't stop now.

Just stop, it's not worth it, why? Why? Why? Pathetic.

My legs frozen from the outside air while my torso was wrapped up in the thick hoodie I wore. The hoodie strings tied tightly to keep my face warmer as I pushed through the cold air. I grunted as my feet left their marks in the snow. Running faster and faster so I could get where I needed to go.

Stupid, not good enough, you won't be good enough. Why did you even think you could be good enough?

I huffed out a breath watching it turn into a smokey cloud from my lips. I kept my mouth open, gasping for air while my thoughts screamed at me. Screaming nonstop as I felt suffocated by these thick clouds of breath. The blood pounding in my ears, my heart slamming against its captivity. My lungs begging for some air as I felt like I was gonna be asphyxiated by lack of oxygen.

Why would she stay? Why would she stay?! Why?!

Running through the trees of the forest that was becoming more endless, I wondered past these loose thoughts, where I was going. Did I go the right way? Of course. There would be no other way- it wouldn't matter if you got lost. Who would care? Who?! No one.

Pushing through more snow and my back being smacked by branches covered in snow, I looked towards the dark, dark gray sky. I slowed down to a brisk walk and watched my step while I climbed the bank. No longer being able to feel my legs due to the extreme cold I huffed and puffed. Climbing all the way to the top not caring if my lungs gave up on me. Not caring at all.

She'll give up on you. Everyone gives up on you. Everyone.

I reached the top in a short amount of time and looked down at the crashing waves against the large rocks. Kyteler Pass' finest and biggest cliff, my lungs finally started to breathe which only caused me more pain. It was as if my heart pounded even faster, even harder. It went with the never ending throb in my head, the once imprisoned thoughts now free. Roaming and killing everything in its path trying to throw me off, trying to leave my body. Trying to push out into the open and leave me hanging and lifeless.

She gave up. She gave up. Of course she did.

"Shut up." I huffed to myself sliding down till I was sitting, hugging my freezing legs.

I rubbed my head against my arms and tried to warm myself up just a little as I huffed out in need of air. I coughed a little as the burning in my chest wouldn't let up and I started to rock myself. The adrenaline in me was starting to slow down. I couldn't have that. It was keeping me alive. Did I need this? Did I want to? It's the voices.

I closed my eyes and heard the crashes of the waves and the screams in my brain. I gnawed at my lip till it was raw and my hands fisted the ground underneath me. I shook my head and felt anger rise in me. Hot, hot, anger and I felt it bubble out of my throat as I kept hearing that fucking voice.

SHE'S GONE! THEY ALWAYS LEAVE!

"SHUT UP!" I yelled out in desperation as my face was hot and red, neck veins becoming prominent.