My Missing Puzzle Piece

Chapter One

Arielle-

Sometimes I felt the need to just scream and cry out all of my pain but when I try, nothing happens.

It's like my mouth is too dry to scream. My eyes, too tired to water. 

How long was I suppose to hold all of this inside? 

I'm doing the usual- on my bed, my ipod on high volume, trying to block out the screaming and fighting downstairs of my father and younger brother. It was a usual thing for my dad- go out, get drunk with his friends, come home and then he explodes. I wanted to go stick up for Aiden, so bad but how could I? I was just too afraid. I can't even face him or even tell him how I feel.

My dad started acting up about 2 years ago. After he lost his job, he started going out every night and getting drunk and it's what causes him to have such a bad temper, but then again, I'm only guessing. He has to take it out on us. 

I wish my mom would do something. They don't even talk but they live under the same roof. Let's just say when my dad started acting up, my mom had a break down and almost tried to hurt herself and she was diagnosed with servere depression. Now my mom is a zombie, practically not even existing. She sits in her room all day, alone. My mom and I haven't had a good conversation in almost a whole year.

You would think I would've broke down by now too, right? I guess I've just found other ways to deal.

Cutting.

I know, it's bad, but it helps me. It makes me feel alive- like I'm in control. When I hold the blade in my fingers, cutting against the skin of my arm, I see the blood rush down my arm and I somehow feel better. It got to the point where it doesn't even hurt anymore. 

I looked down at all of my scars. Some from a year ago, some from months and the most recent, still stinging. I had to admit, it didn't look too pretty but in all, it was worth it. I know it seemed bad but what else was I supposed to do? Find other coping skills? Oh, listen to some music or write in a diary or talk to someone. No thank you.

"God dammit, I hate these kids!" I heard my dad scream and then the door slammed close. It was his usual thing. He got in a bad mood and then after yelling, he went out.

I got off my bed and walked quietly over to Aiden's room. I put my ear against his closed door and I heard him muttering curse words. I knocked on his door. "Aiden, can I come in?"

"Why, to give me a damn talk to cheer me up? Never works, Ari."

"Just let me in." 

I heard his footsteps and he eventually opened the door. I was greeted to his worn out, upsetting face. "What do you want?"

"To talk, let me in." He rolled his eyes and walked over to his bed. I sat on the bed next to him and looked at him, concerned, as I usually do. "What did he say to you?"

"Just the usual, okay? Just because I was 10 minutes late from Derek's house, I have to get fucking punished. I don't wanna deal with this anymore. Why does he have to yell at me more than you? God dammit, you're the favorite kid!"

"I am not." I said, trying not to show that he had hurt my feelings. How was I the favorite? 

"You are! You can be late all you want and he only yells at you a little bit, he fucking was all in my damn face!"

We were lucky our dad doesn't actually hit us- He doesn't want anyone seeing and finding out. Some how, his words were worse and I think he knew it.

"Look, I'm sorry, but he does the same thing for me too and maybe one day things will be-"

He cut me off. "No we won't be the perfect family. Nothing and no one will change! I'm ready to leave this damn place!"

"Aiden...."