My Missing Puzzle Piece

Chapter Thirteen

Arielle-

What is cutting? To some people, it's for emo kids to express themselves. For others, it looks like a painful and stupid thing to do, but for people like me, it's a way to cope.

A bad way, but the one that gave me the most relief. The only way that made me say "Everything is going to be okay." Would it be okay? Nope, not even close to okay. How is cutting going to fix things? It only makes things worse. The only thing that scares me is that I couldn't stop. It was an addiction. The blade, the feeling of it digging into my skin, the blood, it excited me. I loved the thrill of it. I know I seem crazy but I couldn't help myself.

I don't think I'll ever be able to stop. Or, well maybe I'll have to.

He found out and he told me to stop. For him. I had to promise I wouldn't cut anymore. All I said was "I'll try." Would I try to stop? I really doubt I will. How will he even find out? He wouldn't.

I smiled to myself, thinking about how upset but concerned he was about me yesterday. When he saw, at first he freaked out and so did I, but he understood about my pain and drama and he wants me to stop. How can I stop? It wasn't easy. He even mentioned I should seek help so I can really stop. I know it's not safe and too addicting but it's been 2 years, I'm already addicted.

Yeah, Arielle Summers is addicted to cutting. I've always been a weird and different kind of girl. No one really talks to me because I'm on the shy side and hardly have friends. I go to school wearing dark colors and people automatically think I'm some sort of emo freak. I wish people didn't have to label others.

That's what High School is all about, judging and labeling. "Oh those are the popular skanks, or the jocks, or the blacks or the geeks." Why can't everyone just be friends with each other? But of course, why would I want that when I bet no one else does either.

No one even knows me, unless they know me for being a loner and wanting to make fun of me. I wish they knew the name calling was putting me into deeper depression. I sighed and placed the strands of my hair against my ear. Here I was, sitting in the lunch room, my eyes glazing over each table. Everyone had their little cliques and I rolled my eyes at each group. I honestly am so sick of school. Only 2 more years. I tell myself that every morning but then the little person inside my head says "Who says you're gonna graduate?" That's what I hated the most. Like my brain is talking to me but putting all of the negative inside and saying all of these things that I don't need. I don't wanna be this way. I wanna be a bubbly, happy person who is constantly talking and laughing and..my thoughts tranced out as I felt someone tug on my shirt. "Arielle, seriously, what color?"

"Huh?" I asked, staring at Nicole in confusion. She rolled her eyes. "What color looks better? You know, for prom? I was thinking a light pink but I mean I don't know if a darker color would work, what do you think?"

Oh great, prom planning. It was a few weeks away and Nicole and Abby go crazy. I never went to a dance or any parties. I wasn't that kind of girl but they were. They gushed about it for hours and hours and dragged me along to their so called dress fittings. "Um, I like the light pink, Nic."

I must of not been so sure because her face looked mad. "Ari, what's up? We like hardly talk and when I try talking to you, you daze off into another world. What's up?"

I sighed and fixed my hair again, looking down at my shirt. It was a hot day out but I was in a hoodie. I looked so stupid. "I'm fine, okay? I'm being serious about the color, I just have a head ache."

"Well." She said, popping her lips. "We have to hang out then, when you aren't this way because it's really scaring me. Abby says she's worried about you and even Ryan is noticing it. Well he's been talking to Justin and-"