Lestrade Academy

24. Moderny

Chapter 24 :

Moderny

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Staring out in the darkness, I unwrapped my right arm from around my knees once again and ran it through my messy hair that hasn't been brushed in days. Yet another sigh escaped my lips as I buried my face in my knees, hugging my legs as close as I could.

Another night rolled. Another banging was heard on my door.

"Zoe!" Ellie's voice shouted from the other side of the door, "Zo-eee!"

"Zoe," Nina's voice spoke, "Please, could you let us in? It's been a week!"

"Nobody wants to shelter us anymore!" Ellie shouted, "It's our room too, you know?"

They were right. They had whole right to come in at least now, but I didn't care. It's been a week, for the whole week I had the door to our room locked, with Ellie and Nina left outside. They kept banging on the door, but I never answered. They had stayed to other girls the whole week, so I guess everyone got tired from sheltering them. Even Clary called for me for a few times, but I kept shutting them out. I went by the lunch I had in my backpack for the whole week and it felt like if I stood up, I would lose consciousness and flow into the darkness; that sounded nice enough, but overthinking got me too trapped.

The room was dark due to the fact that it was already night time. It was so dark I couldn't understand if my eyes were open or closed. But still, my mind was darker.

I missed him, I missed him so much it felt like I'd scatter in pieces like canfitti if I didn't feel his body against mine right now. I've felt like this for the whole week. I never left my spot in the corner of the room. I stood up a few times just to pace back and forth out of nervousness and anger. I couldn't imagine how I looked like. I was slowly falling apart.

I felt this urge; the urge to stand up, scream swearing words to the world and go find Nick so I could finally embrace him in a hug. I've had it for a few days already. But something kept me down, something made me press my legs against my body even harder and hide my face as if that would help to escape reality. But reality was everywhere, it was waiting in all the corners of imaginative happiness, waiting to consume you once again.

I couldn't bear it anymore. I couldn't handle this shit anymore, I had to end it. I had to get up and find Nick.

Swallowed by the idea, I unwrapped my arms from around my legs slowly, and started pushing myself off the floor. As soon as I stood up my eyes went black and the room started spinning, but I ignored it and, following the wall so I wouldn't fall, I went to the bathroom. Eyeing my reflection in the mirror, I got scared. This thing couldn't be me. Everything was still spinning, but I managed to wet my face and remove old makeup stains. Dark rings under my eyes were too visible, but I couldn't care about it at the moment.

I went up to the door and opened it. No one was there. Ellie and Nina probably gave up once again and went to sleep with someone else. Everything was spinning wildly and I had no idea what direction I was going, but somehow I managed to take a hold of the railings and took the first step down the stairs. Then another, and soon I bravely walked down. It took me at least 10 minutes to go all the way from fourth floor to the first one, and when I finally did, I was exhausted, but this couldn't stop me.

Leaning onto random furnitures, I finally managed to reach the door and open it. The cold air tickled my skin and I felt goosebumps going everywhere from my neck to my legs. I stepped out and immediately started shivering. Closing the door behind me and pressing my teeth against each other, I walked down the porch as carefully as I could. Walk to the gates was another pain in the ass; there was nothing I could hold onto and I almost tripped four times.