Beyond Our Lies

f o u r

The rest of the week carried on anticlimactically. I hung around with my friends still despite Xander popping up in my thoughts every so often. He also gave me a disappointing look when he saw me on the bleachers this morning with Cas but didn't say anything.

I couldn't help but feel sad every time he passed by without even glancing at me. I mean what did I expect, I talked to the guy twice and all of a sudden we're best buddies? I just liked the thought of him thinking of me in a positive way instead of how he and all his friends think of me- a rich girl who uses daddy's money to get on people's good sides.

Snapping in front of me brought me out of my daze. "Are you even listening to us?" Roxi asked.

"What? Sorry I didn't get much sleep last night." I apologized and she sighed.

"Isn't that the same excuse you used when you snapped at us?" Layla cocked her head in an almost conniving way.

Us? Nobody was fucking talking to you that day. She was starting to get on my nerves lately. Yes, sure I haven't been myself lately and yes my friends can find new bestfriends. However, you don't have to bring up my flaws every single chance you get.

I stared at her. "Us? You weren't even a part of the conversation that day so I have no idea what you're talking about." I said and smiled innocently. I'm tired of her bullshit.

Everyone at that table looked stunned at my words except me. Each day I've gotten more and more comfortable with speaking my mind and I don't care if no one else was happy about it, I was.

Cassie coughed and tried to fill the tense silence, "So, Junie do you want to hang with us tonight, it's a girls night." All three of them smiled happily.

"It's Friday. You know my parents have the mandatory party tonight." Every single Friday night my parents either go to someone's business party or they throw one, mostly the latter. They were tiring as fuck and ever since the last one I've been scared to have to go again but nothing ever works in my favor.

"Oh yeah I completely forgot about that." Yeah just like you did the last one. "Well call if you can tonight so you can hangout, even if its just through facetime." Cas playfully pushed my shoulder and smiled.

I smiled and forced a laugh. "Totally."

When I got home from school, I found my mom running around yelling at the helpers to put everything in the right spots. Like anybody actually gives a shit where the bouquet of flowers sit. I rolled my eyes and started to head upstairs.

"Hey no you better wear something great tonight to make up for your disrespectfulness at the last party we had," she starts rambling.

I press it against my skin, just to see how sharp it was

"Are you even listening to me?" She pretty much screamed at me.

"Yes, mom I heard you. Now if you'll excuse me I need to get ready." I snapped and rushed up the stairs.

I could hear her yelling at me to get back down until she took her anger out on one of the workers again.

the blade was was lined in red

I pulled my hair angrily and punched my wall in hopes of getting these thoughts out of my head. I've managed to not grab that knife since the last party and I don't want to break my promise that I was already so close to breaking.

I grabbed my hand as the pain was immediate. "Fuck!" I exclaimed, shaking my hand. I repeatedly counted from one to ten in hopes to relax me.

Once I calmed down, I got ready for the party.