s e v e n

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I found Sunday the most difficult day for me of this weekend despite it usually being everyday. I didn't want to admit it but I knew it was because of Xander. He didn't even have to do anything and could still just tame my demons while he was around. However, today I was all alone in my house.

I got up from the couch, brushing off any chip crumbs I had on me from eating a bag of chips. I then grabbed my laptop, turning it off and going up the stairs. I was about to walk in my room when I subconsciously stopped at the door directly opposite of it. Memories upon memories passed through my mind as I reached for the doorknob but suddenly stopped.

I can't do it yet.

I realized I was holding on to my necklace for dear life and wiped the few tears that managed to trail down my cheeks. I turned to my door, walking right in. Laying upon my bed. I tried to take a nap so I didn't have to feel so alone in this house. It wasn't working though. My mind was running wild and it felt as if nothing would tame it.

Well, there was one thing.

I practically jumped out of my bed and walked towards my bathroom. I dug through the stuff under my sink until I found what I was looking for.

I sunk against the door and stared at my short livid escape again. I hadn't used it since freshman year but these past few weeks it seems as if it was the answer I was looking for.

But I knew I couldn't do it. After freshman year, I promised him I would never cut again, locking it with a pinky promise. I know I can't break it.

I harshly sighed and threw it back into the box, pushing it into the cabinet and slamming the bathroom door shut.

I decided to just take a run and finish my homework from the weekend, hopefully it would be enough to distract me, just until I could sleep and talk to people tomorrow.

I woke up half an hour earlier than my alarm was set for, excited to interact with people and distract my demons for a while. After I finished getting ready, I went downstairs to make an actual breakfast since I had additional time.

 After I finished getting ready, I went downstairs to make an actual breakfast since I had additional time

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I heard voices arguing quietly downstairs. Oh who am I kidding they were fucking screaming but I didn't really care at the moment, at least they were at our house for once.

"I don't care! We're still together and that's all that matters!" I heard my dad's voice grow louder as I headed towards the kitchen.

I swung the kitchen door open, hoping it allowed them to stop their argument. "Good morning, parents." I happily greeted as I went to make me some toast and a bowl of strawberries.

"Good morning. Why are you up so early?" I know she was only asking because she didn't expect me to hear their argument but I decided to still use her words against her.

I stared at her, tilting my head to the side to make my comment seem more innocent. "You always talk about how frowned upon waking up late is to you so I got up early just to make you happy. Sorry, mother I thought you'd be glad." I finished, popping my last strawberry into my mouth.

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