Beyond Our Lies

t h i r t e e n

It was fourth hour Thursday morning and I wanted to be literally anywhere except here. I've been following through with my promise extremely well. I've been dedicating each and every moment of spare time to continue my studies and apply for colleges. However, even I could tell it was tearing me down.

The zoning out, lack of motivation, and the unhappy moods were all key indicators I was becoming mentally drained.

It's been extremely easier since I've been successfully avoiding Xander and his group. I don't know how I'm going to act when I see Xander. I haven't really had time to think about that moment on the beach. It felt like ages ago but it was still vividly displayed on repeat in the back of my mind. I can't say I didn't feel anything for him, that would be a lie. Everytime he's around, everything gets a little brighter despite his complete opposite façade he puts out. But I just can't. I can't like some rebellious boy like him.

The bell rang signaling it was time for lunch and I sighed as I packed my stuff together. I promised my friends I'd go to the diner today since I've been staying at school these past few lunches.

I managed to drive there safely, despite being half awake. However, I knew I drove slower than usual based on my favorite spot being taken. When I walked in, I glanced around at everyone that was in here, stopping at Xander's table which was filled with them. I mentally sighed, realizing I now have to walk past them.

I started to do so, keeping my eyes on the ground in hopes to make me unnoticeable, obviously that worked out so well. "June," I heard Xander call out and I had to glance at him. He grinned at me and motioned for me to sit with his friends, the rest of them agreeing.

I'm really a bitch.

I sighed and gave a small sad smile before shaking my head and rushing over to my friends, greeting them in the fakest way I could muster up. Looking back at their table I immediately regretted it. Xander had an almost disappointed look on his face. I felt my heart drop staring at them. I didn't want to hurt them in any way and I really didn't believe they cared enough about me to want me to sit at their table. My eyes became watery and I put my head on the table, telling my friends a random excuse.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked up, seeing Jackie smiling softly at me. "Hey hun I haven't seen you in a while so I thought I'd get you your favorite, on the house." Her mature voice held a motherly tone and it made me want to bawl my eyes out even more.

I gave her a side hug, "Thank you so much, Jackie." I gave her a tip and watched as she walked off to help another customer.

"She obv just wanted your money, Junie. Like why else would she be 90 years old working at a part time job." I heard someone say from my table and it caused me to clench my fists together. Who gives a shit if she doesn't have a fuck ton of money like us, at least she still is a fucking decent person to others. I wanted to say my piece but remembered my promise to myself I made on Sunday. I sighed and kept my mouth shut, not defending the lady who acts more motherly to me than my own birth one. I could already feel the guilt doubling in just a few moments.

I looked down at the shake I used to love so much. Shit, I still do but ever since my mom made that small remark about my eating habits, I've been doing overthinking everything that I've been eating. I nervously fiddled with my fingers. Should I drink it? I haven't had anything to eat today so it could be my meal replacement for breakfast and lunch. I sighed and agreed to my solution to my inner dilemma.

The rest of my lunch I spent hesitantly drinking a few sips from my shake and finishing applications, not caring about my friend's annoyed whines since I wasn't paying attention to them. I needed a distraction.