Soul not Included

Chapter 20

Walking to Biology together with Edward didn't feel uncomfortable. In fact it felt the safest that i have felt all week anticipating this night, considering i know what he can do. It didn't change the fact that if i never got involved with him... or if i was anyone other than Bella, the fucking danger magnet, things would have been much. Much easier.

He pulled out my seat before realizing that maybe he shouldn't have. I had to force myself to not make a face at him. He was after all going through a lot of problems to help me out in this. It might be a selfish reason on his part, maybe... I'm not so sure anymore, but it wasn't unwelcome. Anything. I would accept anything if it meant that i wouldn't indirectly be killing anyone.

"I think," he murmured, voice much smaller than he normally spoke in. I had to strain my ear to listen, "maybe, i should join you and your friends tonight. In case they find you."

I didn't turn to look at him. I already had a clear idea on what expression he was wearing. He had three main ones he's used on a daily basis. Amused, angry and concern. The concern one consisted of furrowed brows, a tug down on lips and a deep nearly desperate gaze in his eyes. Boarder line begging to be allowed to do something. 

"That would be nice," i said, "but i don't want that."

James is attracted by my smell but the hunt only begins officially once Edward's reaction is taken into consideration. The most dangerous game. One where his target is a human guarded by a family of vampires.

"Why not? I need to know why you're so adamant to stay away from me."

"You know why. You've literally warned me away because you know why."

He leaned a little closer, "i want to know... no, i need to know what you're thinking. Tell me."

I brushed my fingers through my hair hitting a knot to my frustration. "...I'm not... I'm not strong enough to have you around me. I can't... deal with near death experiences. I don't want  to... second guess my life. Why do you like me? Why am I important to you? When will you leave me and when will you decide to return..." i exhaled slowly. "I'm not strong enough... to handle everything that is you and I'm not even referring to what you are. Believe it or not that's not the most difficult part between us. So..." i sighed.

"So." He whispered. Like he was breathless. "I can help but we can't get close."

"Exactly."

He looked down at his hands, "i think i would have accept it easier if you did say it was because of what i was."

I snorted, "I've been trying to push you away for a long time now. Sir, trust me when i say, you wouldn't accept anything easily until you got what you wanted."

He caught my gaze and held it. There was a curious light within his eyes and a slow smile graced his lips, "you believe I'm that type of person?" He asked.

"Mr. Pot meet miss Kettle. I can hold out as long as you can. I'm sure."

He chuckled to himself. "I bet i can hold out longer." He joked.

It was a stupid one and i couldn't help myself to smile at it. "I bet you can."

Simon was there to take me to gym. He was going to talk to Edward to jump start on the defenses. Meaning both of them would be gone for the final period and i would have to wait for them at the parking lot. Simon just wanted to drop off my jacket. On the back of it was an embroidered symbol. Oliver had finished.

Jessica pounced during gym. Her eyes glimmering in absolute delight. She asked about Edward first. Her mouth forming all the questions faster than i could register them. I gave short, curt responses and finished with, "I'm not dating him."