It Cant Be You- Charles Leclerc

18

We were in Charles' hospital room again the next day when visiting hours were alowed. He was still carrying an oxygen cannula and an IV  but luckily he was no longer connected to so many machines.

-I saw your post...- he positioned himself so he could see us at the foot of his bed.

Let's just say that last night I wasn't the most concerned person about my image on the internet. I was angry. Angry at the FIA ​​for once again, not doing enough to make sure they were safe.

-Im sorry for not asking you for your permision to post it I was just...-he intervened.

-Angry?  i could figure it out by your statement- he gave me a half smile- You know...You are one of the most important person in my life too- I opened my mouth but close it inmediately not knowing what to say to that.

-I think...- Carlos pointed to the door- I will just go, call me if the doctor have news- he stumbled trying to get out backwards. That brought a laugh out of me and Charles, who winced of pain because of it.

- How much does it hurt?- I sat down in the chair beside his bed bringing it closer to him.- Dont lie.

- I have a couple of broken ribs so It hurts when I breathe- he doesnt look at me and I thank him for that because I don't want him to see me flinch at that- A wrist sprain but I hardly even notice that- he delicately raised his bandaged hand- The legs...- He runs his good hand over his face- They didnt even tell me what is wrong with them so...- My eyes watered and he realized- Hey dont cry...- he took my hand- We need to talk you know? I need to explain myself and you deserve an explanation- I nod signaling him to continue.

- I just want to start by saying that my intention is not to pity you for this story or for my situation- he pointed to his legs- I dont want you to forgive me because of that. You would have every reason to go through that door and never look back.

-You know I would never do that- I caress the back os his hand- I'm not the kind of person who bails out when things get hard.

-Okay, maybe I deserved that one- he looked down to his lap lost on thoughts

-I met Charlotte through my girlfriend at the time, I guess that should have been the first red flag- he rolled his eyes- We started dating my first year in Ferrari, I guess she wanted me for the prestige. But, it was still my first year at the scuderia and we werent making many advances.- he rubbed his eyes, he was starting to feel a headache just thinking of this- She...let just say she was not happy about this. I already loved her, so everything she told me I believed it.

- She made me believe I was not worth anything-he took a choppy breath, I don't know if it's because of the pain or because he is about to start crying- Thankfuly my family, friends and my therapist helped me get out of there. When I met you....God Liv when I met you it was the best day of my life- he couldnt help but grin at this.

-It was not a bad day I guess- I give a wet laugh.

- I was having a really bad season. Racing and mentally. We started great but soon the problems came back. I thank Carlos every day for dragging me out of my house and inviting me to Madrid.

- I'm sure we would have met each other either way, it was meant to be- I say bringing his hand to my mouth and giving it a kiss.

- I've never been happier than that first month Liv...but then Belgium happened.- he grimaces- You avoided me all Saturday and the doubts came back. Charlotte also sent me a message because she saw us coming into de padock together, I blocked her inmediately and I should have done it sooner. My mistake was believing all the things she had put into my head instead of going to talk to you.

- I fled to Italy thinking that I could escape all my problems. Then... When I realised what an idiot I was it had almost gone a month and I thought you would be better off without me- he confessed ashamed.

-Never take decisions for me Charles- I say- I will be the one deciding if I an better off with or without you.-His gaze falls to our hands where his thumb gently strokes the back of mine. -Also, I've been meaning to ask, why did you leave the flowers after the show but didnt bother to stay?

His cheecks turned red and he tried to contain a smile.

- I was just really proud- his eyes sparkled, the tears and the fatigue fron the last days Has made the green in his eyes stand out- I wanted you to know even if I didnt have the courage to stay. Great songs by the way, I wonder who they are about - he winks at me and I laugh at his sillyness.

- They are all about Isa, she has captivated me so much that I am going to steal her from my brother- I joke.

- Is this a good time to tell you that I'm deeply in love with you?- I abruptly turn my head to look at him and see if he was joking.- I know you are probably not there yet but...you know... I almost died so I dont want to regret- I cut him abruptly with a kiss trying to be all the careful I can so I dont hurt him.

- I look and you and see the rest of my life in front of my eyes Charles-I put a rebellious strand of hair in its place- Because I could watch you for a single minute and find a thousand things that I love about you- now it was him who took my face between his hands and pulled me closer to him.

-Is that a part of a song? Does it come with the job saying things like that?- he asked.- It's not fair, I'm here, struggling to find the words for the simplest things and you...it's like everything you say makes my heart stops for a second.

-I've been writing a lot about you, I'm not going to lie.

Someone knocked at the door and we both parted, the moment being broken. Mattia entered followed by the doctor, a somber expression on both their faces. All the happiness I was feeling evaporated at that moment.

- We just want you to know Charles that you will always have a place at Ferrari for when you are ready- Mattia stated.- You are part of the family and that will never change- I squezed Charles hand, this was not going to be a great conversation. Now it was the doctor's time to talk and I could feel Charles tense beside me.

-Mr Leclerc you received a pretty severe impact on your lower back from the crash- I inhaled sharply. Charles had told me he had problems with his legs but I didnt thought they were this serious- The surgery you underwent was to prevent you getting paralized, It was succesfull- I significately relaxed at that but he was still worried about something.

-When will I be able to race? Im sure I will need physiotherapy but I could start next season right?- Mattia and the doctor looked at each other not knowing how to aproach this.

-Mr Leclerc what I said about the surgery being succesful meant that you wont get paralysed- he explained carefuly- But you still have severe injuries that will require  time to heal and even then...we still dont know how much of your movility you will regain- he cleared his throat- You might never race again.

Charles's hand fell onto the bed. His expression was heartbreaking.

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