INTJ, a deep dive into the architects

Romantic compatibility with INFP

INFP's are one of my favorite types, iw as happy when i read the stories of some of the users,

here are some of the stories/povs that i found heart touching

It's exhilarating and gets even better as time passes! I am an INFP with my INTJ boyfriend of almost 4 years.

The best way I can give our relationship justice is to say that he is everything I want in a best friend and lover, and everything I need in a partner to navigate through life. I believe this is mutual, and creates a dynamic where we are constantly learning from each other and growing into better versions of ourselves. In short, we cover each other's blind spots while providing each other with mental stimulation, shared dark humor, and enough space for the other to fall down the rabbit hole that is our insatiable curiosity to learn more about our own interests.

This is a question I've been waiting to answer, because I feel it deserves an expansive and articulate response. There are many forums online that degrade INFP/INTJ relationships, saying its doomed for failure because of irreconcilable differences, or cynics who demand to know why the INTJ mastermind seems to feel an innate attraction toward the spacey/directionless/passive INFP dreamer. These comments make me chuckle. Ever hear that phrase- "From the outside looking in, you can't understand it; and from the inside looking out, you can't explain it?" Well, luckily I'm an INFP- writing is my superhero strength, and I'll attempt to demistify this "curious dynamic" that is the INFP and INTJ, hopefully once and for all.

Rather than pointing out day to day dynamics, I'll list out just 5 unique advantages I especially value and appreciate in my relationship. (This is a challenge for me because I have at least 50 solid reasons floating in my head right now.)

Introversion/Space: it's not groundbreaking news that partners of INTJs often are frustrated with the amount of alone time their significant other seems to need. Traditionally, it is said that introverts pair well with extraverts, who pull them out of their shell to interact with the outside world. In my experience (I dated an extravert for 7 years) it was exhausting to go out so often; I believe this created some major negative rifts between us- he was frustrated that I wanted to stay in, I was resentful that my company wasn't enough at times, I would get paranoid when he would go out without me, etc. With my INTJ, we both need lots of alone time, but not away from each other. We just need to sink our minds into our own projects to regenerate some energy; there's no miscommunication here and we respect each other's need for alone time 100%. I can't tell you how much I love and appreciate this part of our relationship. Usually he's researching cars or planning the future; I'm writing ideas or reading a psychology book.

Future vs Past: As an INFP, I frequently feel a deep yearning for something in the past- something I'll never be able to experience again. This alone is not a useful trait, but it gives me a very vivid/accurate memory bank which I am able to apply toward present decisions. I've read that INTJs share a similar yearning for the future and all things they may not be able to experience. From observation, my INTJ is incredibly attuned to the future- it comes naturally to him and fascinates me to no end. My point here is that with our scarily accurate snapshots of past and future, we are able to make decisions that are well thought out and even more infallible than if we were to proceed on our own. This doesn't even begin to dip into our Feeling vs Logic strengths that we also bring to the table.

Genuine and Childlike: I'm sure INTJs don't like being associated with the word "childlike" but hear me out. Under their seemingly cold/rational exterior, INTJs are incredibly warm, affectionate, and curious souls. I believe they are blunt to a fault because they are just being honest. Once they break down their walls and let you in, the level of authenticity they exude is just beautiful. I think INTJs feel safe around INFPs because we are nonjudgemental, warm and inviting, and are genuinely interested in understanding them instead of changing them. In the same way, I feel safe sharing my weirdest darkest thoughts and quirks knowing my INTJ also has no interest in changing me. As an INFP, there is no greater joy than that deep and authentic connection with an unsuspecting individual that makes others scratch their heads.

Unpredictability: We are both incredibly complex individuals. Ever feel like you can predict people's thoughts, actions, self interests and they suddenly appear very dull and uninteresting? I am always delightfully fascinated with the inner workings of my INTJ. His creativity combined with his tools/knowledge of realistic capabilities means he is planning for the future to a scary degree of accuracy (vs my vague hopes/ideas.) This is something I lack completely in my mental wiring, so it's endlessly fascinating and feels like magic to me when something goes exactly as he had planned 2 years ago! As an INFP I'm definitely unpredictable in my thoughts, actions, and interests as well, which keeps him interested and guessing. He once compared me to Van Gogh where he felt I was a similar "mad yet brilliant tortured artist." I liked this comment a lot; he sees me as creative, brilliant, unpredictable, and at times on the brink of madness- in other words, the opposite of the daily drudgery of routine norms. Yep that's me!

Apathy for the Norm: We both detest small talk and superficiality. It's probably our N-Intuition that lays out obvious patterns and immediately flags people or situations as uninteresting because we've figured them out already. We don't see any point or need to chase a typical life (job, promotion, kids, house, white picket fence- blehh.) We have our own grand plans and dreams, and what society suggests is completely irrelevant in shaping our path. Because of this, I feel our decisions have more meaningful intent instead of "because I said so" or "because everyone else is doing it." I find this to be extremely refreshing amidst a world of people who seem to operate on sheep mentality.

So in conclusion, our set of values and needs are very complementary, and I couldn't imagine sharing my life with anyone else than my INTJ. He is my best friend who I feel I could get through any scenario with, including an all out zombie apocalypse.